[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ admin_label=”Header” _builder_version=”4.23.1″ background_color=”RGBA(255,255,255,0)” overflow-x=”hidden” overflow-y=”hidden” custom_padding=”0vw||0vw||true|false” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_image src=”http:\/\/robzerrvations.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/freelance-writer-05.png” title_text=”freelance-writer-05″ _builder_version=”4.16″ width=”100%” custom_margin=”|||-20vw|false|false” custom_margin_phone=”|||-380px|false|false” custom_margin_last_edited=”off|desktop” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.16″ header_font=”Cutive Mono||||||||” header_text_color=”#000000″ header_font_size=”100px” header_letter_spacing=”-0.1em” header_2_text_color=”#000000″ background_image=”http:\/\/robzerrvations.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/freelance-writer-06.png” background_size=”initial” background_position=”bottom_left” z_index=”1″ max_width=”800px” header_font_size_tablet=”64px” header_font_size_phone=”32px” header_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” header_letter_spacing_tablet=”-8px” header_letter_spacing_phone=”-4px” header_letter_spacing_last_edited=”off|tablet” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”]<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section” _builder_version=”4.23.1″ hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding=”11px|||||” background_color=”RGBA(255,255,255,0)” sticky_enabled=”0″][et_pb_row admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_margin=”3px|auto||auto||”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” _builder_version=”4.23.1″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” background_color=”RGBA(255,255,255,0)” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
I went to college at Green River Community College and the University of Washington. Since respectable journalism majors didn’t write for the U of W Daily, I did all my RobZerrvations for the Current newspaper at Green River. I would have all week to write it, then dash it out with an hour to go until my deadline. I still write like that today. Some things never change.<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/strong><\/p>\n Jan. 11, 1979<\/p>\n My wife and I were driving along Interstate 303 last week when we passed a billboard which caught my attention. It was lit all in red neon and proclaimed in bold letters, \u201cALL SINNER TURN RIGHT ONE MILE.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe must be nearing Hell,\u201d I joked, \u201cI wonder what in the devil is going on up ahead?\u201d<\/p>\n The turn drew nearer and being naturally curious, I turned.<\/p>\n The sight that lay before my eyes was unbelievable. There, poised in neat little rows were religions. To the right of my car sat the newer religions; shiny, promising and expensive. To the left sat the older beliefs; a lot of mileage and some rust.<\/p>\n I reached for the door handle and with a click it popped open. At that very same instant, 20 men, dressed in an array of garments, descended upon me.<\/p>\n One of them, dressed in a three piece suit, said to me, \u201cFriend, I can tell that you are in search for salvation\u2026 you want the hand of the Lord Himself to take hold of you and lift you from the jaws of eternal damnation.\u201d<\/p>\n Just as he finished his thought, a frail elderly gentleman thrust him aside.<\/p>\n \u201cI represent the First United Christian Neo-Intellectual Church. Have I got a deal for you!\u201d<\/p>\n He led me to the farthest corner of the lot and pointed at his religion. \u201cI can make you an offer you can\u2019t refuse,\u201d he drawled. \u201cNot only can I guarantee you a high place on the other side of those Pearly Gates, I will, if you act now, throw in a subscription to our monthly magazine, Martyr of the Month, for only $10.<\/p>\n While I was thinking over the offer, another man grabbed me from behind and pulled me towards his belief.<\/p>\n \u201cSon, I represent the Reorganized Church of Frisbeetology. We believe that your soul is like a Frisbee and that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and you can\u2019t get it down.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s an interesting concept,\u201d I confessed, \u201cWhat do you have to offer.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, it all depends on the level you attain on the roof. We have the Pee-Wee level, the Beginners level, the Masters level and the Professional level. Oh yes, we also have the \u201cGlo-in-the-Dark level but no one has gotten that high yet.<\/p>\n There wasn\u2019t enough time for me to reply for another salesman latched onto me and whisked me away.<\/p>\n \u201cI can see by your expression that you are on the brink of sinning! You need a savior boy, and I have just the one for you. You see this? This is Willie Torvol\u2026 he\u2019s a cute little dickens, isn\u2019t he. He became a profit\u2026 uh, prophet, at only three years of age. We don\u2019t understand a thing he says but we don\u2019t question our savior boy, we just act according to his commands.<\/p>\n By now, all the religious salesmen had gathered around me \u2013 anxious for me to make my decision. But just as I reached my decision, the group began to shout at one another, and the next thing I knew I was in the middle of a ruckus.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve had enough of you fellows,\u201d I said, as I stalked back to the car. \u201cI think I\u2019ll try the Sinners Bust with Lust Lot down the road.<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t afford anything there but I\u2019ll have a lot of fun looking over merchandise.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Oct. 5, 1978<\/p>\n According to many researchers, the number one cause of mental depression is loneliness. It kills thousands annually and until I talked to Sperry, there appeared to be no cure.<\/p>\n Sperry is an old friend of mine who fell into the loneliness trap because he was a workaholic.\u00a0 He spent all his time at the office working on figures and statistics. One night, while he was working overtime, Sperry began to feel like a machine. He couldn\u2019t remember the lat time he had been on a date or even out at all. He was alienated from the outside world, he was\u2026 LONELY!<\/p>\n Sperry\u2019s future seemed hopeless until he went to a computer dating service and filled out a questionnaire. After filling in the last section, Sperry gave it to the receptionist who ran it through the computer. Within a few seconds, the machined returned with a match\u2026 someone from the dating service no less.<\/p>\n On the appointed nigh, Sperry met his match. She was beautiful\u2026 a perfect 24-24-24, dressed in a casual steel blue which blended perfectly with her electric eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cHi there,\u201d she said in a soft, almost animated tone. \u201cI\u2019m Uni Vac, and you must be my computer date.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy yes I am,\u201d Sperry replied, as he handed her a box of assorted nuts. Spetty and Uni exchanged compliments and started off to the movies.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat would you like to see?\u201d asked Sperry. \u201cOh, how about Star Wars; I just love those cute little droids. Or how about 2001: A Space Odyssey. HAL is so funny in that.\u201d<\/p>\n Halfway through the show, Sperry\u2019s wheels started turning. He leaned over to Uni and whispered, \u201cHow about you and I blowin\u2019 this joint and go up to my place instead?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure,\u201d Uni replied. \u201cI\u2019d love to.\u201d<\/p>\n Once at the apartment, Sperry decided he would ply her with exotic substances. \u201cHave a corner Uni while I rustle us up something to consume,\u201d said Sperry.<\/p>\n Uni took the nearest corner and began to admire all the photos on the wall.\u00a0 \u201cYou must love to play with computers,\u201d concluded Uni.<\/p>\n A few moments went by before Sperry returned. \u201cHere, this will reboot your system.\u201d<\/p>\n After a few drinks, Sperry decided it was time to make his move. He turned down the lights and grabbed her.<\/p>\n \u201cKeep your connectors off of my reels,\u201d screamed Uni.<\/p>\n \u201cAh, come on sweety, I\u2019m protected. I just got my 30,000 hour check up and besides, I\u2019m using castor oil\u2026 You grease my wheels and I\u2019ll grease yours.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cListen here,\u201d retorted Uni. \u201cEither you get your connectors off my knobs or I\u2019ll plug your circuits into 220. And by the way\u2026 you can take your nuts back you, you,\u00a0 Son of a PC.\u201d<\/p>\n Maybe computers dating wasn\u2019t such a good idea after all.<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" College LifeI went to college at Green River Community College and the University of Washington. Since respectable journalism majors didn’t write for the U of W Daily, I did all my RobZerrvations for the Current newspaper at Green River. I would have all week to write it, then dash it out with an hour to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":68,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","template":"","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"I went to college at Green River Community College and the University of Washington. Since respectable journalism majors didn't write for the U of W Daily, I did all my RobZerrvations for the Current newspaper at Green River. I would have all week to write it, then dash it out with an hour to go until my deadline. I still write like that today. Some things never change.\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\nJan. 11, 1979\r\nA Religious Experience<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Computers Dating? What Will They Think Of Next?<\/strong><\/h2>\n
A Religious Experience<\/strong><\/h2>\r\nMy wife and I were driving along Interstate 303 last week when we passed a billboard which caught my attention. It was lit all in red neon and proclaimed in bold letters, \u201cALL SINNER TURN RIGHT ONE MILE.\u201d\r\n\r\n\u201cWe must be nearing Hell,\u201d I joked, \u201cI wonder what in the devil is going on up ahead?\u201d\r\n\r\nThe turn drew nearer and being naturally curious, I turned.\r\n\r\nThe sight that lay before my eyes was unbelievable. There, poised in neat little rows were religions. To the right of my car sat the newer religions; shiny, promising and expensive. To the left sat the older beliefs; a lot of mileage and some rust.\r\n\r\nI reached for the door handle and with a click it popped open. At that very same instant, 20 men, dressed in an array of garments, descended upon me.\r\n\r\nOne of them, dressed in a three piece suit, said to me, \u201cFriend, I can tell that you are in search for salvation\u2026 you want the hand of the Lord Himself to take hold of you and lift you from the jaws of eternal damnation.\u201d\r\n\r\nJust as he finished his thought, a frail elderly gentleman thrust him aside.\r\n\r\n\u201cI represent the First United Christian Neo-Intellectual Church. Have I got a deal for you!\u201d\r\n\r\nHe led me to the farthest corner of the lot and pointed at his religion. \u201cI can make you an offer you can\u2019t refuse,\u201d he drawled. \u201cNot only can I guarantee you a high place on the other side of those Pearly Gates, I will, if you act now, throw in a subscription to our monthly magazine, Martyr of the Month, for only $10.\r\n\r\nWhile I was thinking over the offer, another man grabbed me from behind and pulled me towards his belief.\r\n\r\n\u201cSon, I represent the Reorganized Church of Frisbeetology. We believe that your soul is like a Frisbee and that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and you can\u2019t get it down.\u201d\r\n\r\n\u201cThat\u2019s an interesting concept,\u201d I confessed, \u201cWhat do you have to offer.\u201d\r\n\r\n\u201cWell, it all depends on the level you attain on the roof. We have the Pee-Wee level, the Beginners level, the Masters level and the Professional level. Oh yes, we also have the \u201cGlo-in-the-Dark level but no one has gotten that high yet.\r\n\r\nThere wasn\u2019t enough time for me to reply for another salesman latched onto me and whisked me away.\r\n\r\n\u201cI can see by your expression that you are on the brink of sinning! You need a savior boy, and I have just the one for you. You see this? This is Willie Torvol\u2026 he\u2019s a cute little dickens, isn\u2019t he. He became a profit\u2026 uh, prophet, at only three years of age. We don\u2019t understand a thing he says but we don\u2019t question our savior boy, we just act according to his commands.\r\n\r\nBy now, all the religious salesmen had gathered around me \u2013 anxious for me to make my decision. But just as I reached my decision, the group began to shout at one another, and the next thing I knew I was in the middle of a ruckus.\r\n\r\n\u201cI\u2019ve had enough of you fellows,\u201d I said, as I stalked back to the car. \u201cI think I\u2019ll try the Sinners Bust with Lust Lot down the road.\r\n\r\n\u201cI can\u2019t afford anything there but I\u2019ll have a lot of fun looking over merchandise.\u201d\r\n\r\n\r\nOct. 5, 1978\r\n
Computers Dating? What Will They Think Of Next?<\/strong><\/h2>\r\nAccording to many researchers, the number one cause of mental depression is loneliness. It kills thousands annually and until I talked to Sperry, there appeared to be no cure.\r\n\r\nSperry is an old friend of mine who fell into the loneliness trap because he was a workaholic.\u00a0 He spent all his time at the office working on figures and statistics. One night, while he was working overtime, Sperry began to feel like a machine. He couldn\u2019t remember the lat time he had been on a date or even out at all. He was alienated from the outside world, he was\u2026 LONELY!\r\n\r\nSperry\u2019s future seemed hopeless until he went to a computer dating service and filled out a questionnaire. After filling in the last section, Sperry gave it to the receptionist who ran it through the computer. Within a few seconds, the machined returned with a match\u2026 someone from the dating service no less.\r\n\r\nOn the appointed nigh, Sperry met his match. She was beautiful\u2026 a perfect 24-24-24, dressed in a casual steel blue which blended perfectly with her electric eyes.\r\n\r\n\u201cHi there,\u201d she said in a soft, almost animated tone. \u201cI\u2019m Uni Vac, and you must be my computer date.\u201d\r\n\r\n\u201cWhy yes I am,\u201d Sperry replied, as he handed her a box of assorted nuts. Spetty and Uni exchanged compliments and started off to the movies.\r\n\r\n\u201cWhat would you like to see?\u201d asked Sperry. \u201cOh, how about Star Wars; I just love those cute little droids. Or how about 2001: A Space Odyssey. HAL is so funny in that.\u201d\r\n\r\nHalfway through the show, Sperry\u2019s wheels started turning. He leaned over to Uni and whispered, \u201cHow about you and I blowin\u2019 this joint and go up to my place instead?\u201d\r\n\r\n\u201cSure,\u201d Uni replied. \u201cI\u2019d love to.\u201d\r\n\r\nOnce at the apartment, Sperry decided he would ply her with exotic substances. \u201cHave a corner Uni while I rustle us up something to consume,\u201d said Sperry.\r\n\r\nUni took the nearest corner and began to admire all the photos on the wall.\u00a0 \u201cYou must love to play with computers,\u201d concluded Uni.\r\n\r\nA few moments went by before Sperry returned. \u201cHere, this will reboot your system.\u201d\r\n\r\nAfter a few drinks, Sperry decided it was time to make his move. He turned down the lights and grabbed her.\r\n\r\n\u201cKeep your connectors off of my reels,\u201d screamed Uni.\r\n\r\n\u201cAh, come on sweety, I\u2019m protected. I just got my 30,000 hour check up and besides, I\u2019m using castor oil\u2026 You grease my wheels and I\u2019ll grease yours.\u201d\r\n\r\n\u201cListen here,\u201d retorted Uni. \u201cEither you get your connectors off my knobs or I\u2019ll plug your circuits into 220. And by the way\u2026 you can take your nuts back you, you,\u00a0 Son of a PC.\u201d\r\n\r\nMaybe computers dating wasn\u2019t such a good idea after all.","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-74","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/robzerrvations.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/74","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/robzerrvations.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/robzerrvations.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/robzerrvations.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/robzerrvations.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=74"}],"version-history":[{"count":18,"href":"http:\/\/robzerrvations.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/74\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6882,"href":"http:\/\/robzerrvations.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/74\/revisions\/6882"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/robzerrvations.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/68"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/robzerrvations.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=74"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}