As long as I can recall, I’ve been a writer. Only recently, however, did I start to remember that I was also a songwriter. No Top 10 tunes, mind you. But they have become relatively known in my small circles, except for the first song I penned when I was 12.<\/p>\n
I can still remember the song. It was called Animal Abundance. The theme was being overrun by animals, to the point that the singer perishes in the end. Happy stuff, eh? Especially for a 12 year old. Only one thing was missing in my young life: Therapy!<\/p>\n
The words in the chorus went something like this:<\/p>\n
Animal abundance,
\nCan’t take any more.
\nAnimal abundance,
\nI was only 4.
\nAnimal abundance
\nThey’re creeping things to me,
\nAnimal abundance,
\nThey’re icky things to see.<\/p>\n
O.K., so it lacks depth. But so does John Cougar’s “I Was Born in a Small Town.” And he made millions with \u201cI was born in a small town, I had lunch in the small town. I got laid in a small town, Oh, that small town was alright with me.\u201d<\/p>\n
I don’t remember the follow up to it. I turned my attention to other pursuits shortly after… girls. And I forgot about songwriting.<\/p>\n
In community college, it returned to me once again. Along with my friends Dave Buchanan and Tim Hunt, we did some hilarious songs (well, we thought they were hilarious) as Tweeter and the Mid Ranges. We would record the songs in the campus radio station, then play them for all our fans, all two of them listening to KGRG Radio. Our big hits were Jimmy Carter, done to the tune of Davey Crockett and Idi Amin, a 50’s style song.<\/p>\n
The chorus to the latter went something like this. Think of it as the wimoweh refrain that was backing The Lion Sleeps Tonight.<\/p>\n
E-E-E-Idi Amin, mean, mean.
\nYou’re so keen, keen, keen,
\nIdi Amin, mean, mean.<\/p>\n
It was funny, if not marketable.<\/p>\n
My songwriting improved a bit with age. I wrote my now famous parody of Kenny Rogers’ Ruby about a guy who got a sex change. I told people it was the song Kenny really wanted to do. You can tell because he left this line in the song Ruby – “And yes it’s true that I’m not the man I used to be…”<\/p>\n
It was, after all, in my song Rudy:<\/p>\n
I got a sex change Rudy, so I\u2019m not a guy no more,
\nWell you said let\u2019s make some changes, our love life was a bore,
\nAnd yes it\u2019s true that I\u2019m not the man I used to be,
\nOh Rudy, I still need your company.<\/p>\n
Proof enough, eh?<\/p>\n
I also wrote a song about the Falklands War. Of course, few remember it, the war that is. But I immortalized every detail. I did the same with the murder of OJ Simpson’s wife. Yes, I have a twisted sense of humor.<\/p>\n
The most poignant moment in my obscure songwriting career came aboard a British warship visiting the Cayman Islands. I sang Sink Argentina to the crew. I wrote it as a joke – after all, the chorus mentions that it “was British soil we must protect and also all the sheep.” By the time I was done, the British mates were on the verge of tears. They said it was the most patriotic song they had heard outside of God Save the Queen.<\/p>\n
There are other songs that have never seen the light of day. I’m still not through with “You Exceeded the Limit of My Credit Card Heart”. Perhaps some day.<\/p>\n
But my new one may be my best yet. I’m reaching deep down for this one. A heart wrenching baring of my soul, with my usual twists and turns. We’ll see if that ever sees the light of day. \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n
I’m glad I don’t have to make a living writing songs. Truthfully, I\u2019d starve to death. But I’m equally grateful that I can pen a ditty now and again, if only for my own amusement. And with the Internet and Garage Band, one never knows when my first music video will show up. I sense an MTV Music Award in my future. (muhahaha).<\/p>\n
– Til Again, my friend (yes, I can’t still find time to rhyme),<\/p>\n
— Robb<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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