In May 2010 I reported right here on the pages of RobZerrvations that I had stopped taking my Lexapro. As you may recall, it wasn’t for depression, but anxiety. I admit that it was always hard to convince a traveling insurance company nurse that anxiety was the problem, not depression. They usually look at you when you say you’re taking Lexapro, nod their head, jot down a couple notes on their paper, and a couple weeks later, a rejection arrives in the mail that your triglycerides were too high, so you’re not going to get insurance.<\/p>\n
Yes, that actually happened to me. I suppose I could have been dishonest and pretend I wasn’t on the stuff, but after nine years, it was part of my life. I’m not sure that going cold turkey was necessarily a good decision. The withdrawals weren’t all that bad to tell the truth, but I was only popping a 10 mg pill.<\/p>\n
Still, it was a bit trippy. But now that two years and six months have passed by, it’s time for a quick update. OK, not so quick. I can’t seem to do anything here in less than 1,000 words, but for the sake of brevity, I will try to hit all the high points and call it square.<\/p>\n
First, Lexapro is something I would never take again. I had no idea that it had as many side effects as it does. There’s the weight gain, you lose a lot of your sex drive… well, why go any further?<\/p>\n
I still have the weight. I guess I can’t blame that on the Lexapro after all this time. But at least I got my “hornies” back. I never really noticed the old sex drive taking a dip, but it was hard to tell. After all, I was involved with Diablo for most of that time so I will never truly know if it was the Lexapro that affected my sex drive or the object of my desires, or lack of desire. I can say that it’s really hard to want to get it on with someone who is pissed at you the bulk of the time you’re married. Oh, well. I don’t think they make a pill for bad relationship choices, though I bet we would all stock up on them if they did.<\/p>\n
Back to my post-Lexapro life. It took a long time for that stuff to get out of my system. Longer than they say. I would guess it took about a year to year and a half before I was feeling like my old self, but with improvements.<\/p>\n
Improvements? Yes. Surprisingly, things have changed in my life. I can only point to the Lexapro as the tipping point.<\/p>\n
Before I took Lexapro I would go through manic highs and lows, often within moments of each other. I had a horrible fear of heights, falling and water. I was a bit OCD, leaving the house and wondering for hours whether or not I had left the stove on, even if I hadn’t used the stove in days.<\/p>\n
When I started taking the drug, all this went away. As I said, I lost all sense of consequences too, which would explain why I was no longer was afraid of heights, falling and water, or the things that could happen if I did fall or drown. I became very devil may care, largely because I didn’t appreciate any of the dire consequences rational people consider before they make major decisions in their life, such as say, moving to Florida to chase tail.<\/p>\n
Now that this stuff is finally out of my system, some things have changed back, other things haven’t. For instance, I am no longer afraid of heights, falling or water. I don’t think I will truly ever love water, given that my brother drowned in it, but I’m not afraid of it.<\/p>\n
I can only assume that all those years on Lexapro rewired that part of my brain. Some of the OCD is back. I do check my pockets in the morning several times to make sure I have my bus pass or my keycard to get into the building. And I have on more than one occasion gotten out of bed to check the deadbolt on the door, even though I was 95% sure I had locked it.<\/p>\n
My highs and lows are back too. But they aren’t manic any more. I don’t go from a high to a low as quickly either. If I were to put my highs and lows on a scale of -100 to 100, then I would say I used to go from a -90 (low) to a +90 (high), sometimes in a matter of moments. Today, it’s more like -40 to +65, which is much more enjoyable for those around me. Perhaps more important, there are usually reasons for the lows and I can identify them. In the past, I would just go low and stay there, making everyone miserable around me. Hey, I didn’t get the pirate nickname Hurricane for nothing.<\/p>\n
Best of all, I understand consequences again. I get the fact that certain actions can bring negative consequences. I try to avoid these whenever possible. And if I do have to engage in these actions, I tend to think it all through before I ever open my mouth or a moving van door.<\/p>\n
Can I really say I wished I never went on the stuff? Given the improvements, it’s hard to say that with any surety. I kind of like the way I am now. If I had never taken the stuff, I would have never rewired my head. On the flip side, if I had stayed away from Lexapro I would have never left Seattle on a moment’s notice thinking that life in Florida with someone I barely new would be somehow better.<\/p>\n
I guess I know which would have been the better course in life. But I can’t say that it all wasn’t worth it. After all, I got my consequences back but I’m not afraid of heights anymore. Which is a very good thing when you work on the 26th floor of a skyscraper with floor to ceiling windows, which bends in the wind like a flagpole.<\/p>\n
In the Emerald City, high on life and slightly seasick after the windy day we just had,<\/p>\n
– Robb<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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