My son and I have the most wonderful conversations. As he grows older, it’s becoming more and more apparent that he has my odd sense of humor and gift of observation.
It was he who brought up how creepy children’s shows are today. He particularly dislikes Dora the Explorer and wondered what the guy who wrote the words to her Map song was thinking, It goes like this:
I’m the Map
I’m the Map
I’m the Map
If there’s a place you got to get
I can get you there I bet
I’m the Map (12 times)
Yes, you read right. “I’m the Map” gets repeated 12 times at the end of the song. We started discussing how this song ever came about in the first place and decided that the lyricist must have been a stutterer and had no other idea except “I’m the Map” in the creative session.
We then moved onto Dragon Tales. If you’ve never watched an episode, the show follows the adventures of Max and Emmy, who are transported through their dragon drawings to Dragonland. There they meet Ord, who turns invisible when he’s scared, and Cassie a pink dragon who has self-image problems.
With me so far on this? There they go on adventures with their reptile friends and learn a little Spanish why they are there.
What really bothers me about all this is that it runs totally counter to the lessons we teach our children. We tell them over and over again not to talk to strangers and don’t ever go with strangers. Yet off Max and Emmy go in every episode, magically disappearing from the safety of their own bedroom.
In our real world, we would call them runaways or use terms like “abduction” or “kidnapped.” A massive manhunt would be launched and every child molester in a seven-county wide swath would be hauled in for questioning.
On the show, no one seems to notice. Their absentee parents never seem to stumble into the room during an episode, alarmed by the absence of their children. These kids just sneak off to Dragonland, have some adventures and return without a single punishment. Not once are Max and Emmy grounded, put into a corner or spanked.
I for one would freak out if I knew my kids were going against my wishes and hanging around with strangers, not only strangers, but ones who occupy an entire alternate world of sunshine and happiness.
I was hoping that the show’s creators saw the problem with this and would add another character to serve as their guide. They did. But he’s also only six years old and his parents not only allow him to go to Max and Emmy’s house down the street without permission, but unknown to him, they’re taking him to Dragonland, too.
Now, I know that there have been other children going off to play with strangers in TV shows. After all, Jimmy and his magic flute went on the boat that later turned into the evil work of Witchiepoo and ended up hanging with Pufnstuf on Living Island. But for all we know he could have been an orphan.
Max and Emmy live in a normal home, presumably with two loving, doting parents who are just clueless as to their children’s whereabouts. My mother would never have let this happen. She would regularly spot check us in our rooms to make sure we were still there, since we had large windows that allowed us to sneak out without much problem. My mom was a very hands-on mom in that respect, knowing that four boys needed almost constant attention, or at least intervention.
At least the Marshalls in Land of the Lost were together. Even when the dad Rick Marshall was transported magically out of Land of the Lost because he wanted more money from merchandising, he was replaced by Uncle Jack, who was transported into it with the same implausible magic teleportation trick. Holly and brother Will could not have been left there alone, unsupervised, particularly because Holly was kind of hot, well at least to this then 14 year old.
But today, the kids on TV just run roughshod with total strangers. What has happened to our world?
Think about the poor children. We have them watch these shows so they can get an education. We also want to have a few moments to ourselves so we can poke around Facebook.
The children dutiful sit in front of the TV. They watch the flashing images and sing along to the mesmerizing melodies. They fall into a trance. Though their parents tell them not to talk to or go with strangers, they see no harm in it. Max and Emmy are OK. Not only are they OK, but they went to a place that is happy all the time, where daddies don’t drink too much and hit mommies. Who wouldn’t want to go with the nice stranger who will take me to a better place?
This is a hard lesson to overcome. Kids eventually doubt your warnings. Strangers can’t be all that bad. At one point Ord and Cassie were strangers to Max and Emmy and they’re nice. How could the man down the street be anything but nice. He has candy and ice cream to offer.
However, I have found the antidote to these happy little bilingual children and their reptile-esque friends. All you have to do is show the kiddies Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Oh, you remember how that one turned out. Who doesn’t remember the evil, child hating Baron Bomburst and his henchman, the Child Catcher, who offers the kids treats and then puts them into a cage.
Your kids will never want to talk to a stranger after seeing this scene. In fact, they may never even want to talk to you… again.
Out on the Treasure Coast trying to wash all the dog hair off the lollipops,
– Robb