A Small Town Life


I lived in Port Orchard for many years. If you don’t know where it is, you’re not alone. Only 6,900 residents live there. It’s about nine miles directly west of Seattle on the Kitsap Peninsula. I know, most people don’t know where that is either.

Jan. 8, 1992

Lose Weight Without Even Trying

For most Americans, the start of a new year means the start of another new diet.  But thanks to a recent research project conducted by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, losing weight is fairly simple.

In the course of doing research on American eating habits, the U.S.D.A has discovered that the average person consumes 1,426 pounds of food in a year.
Yes, that’s 1,426 pounds.  Included in that figure is 298 pounds of vegetables, 171 pounds of fruits and melons, 154 pounds of red meat, 150 pounds of flour and cereal products and 145 pounds of sugar and sweeteners.  Nearly three quarters of a ton of groceries and you didn’t even know you were hungry.

But after years of wasting its time researching the mating behavior of grasshoppers and measuring how far a frog can leap — the government has finally turned its attention to a subject the common taxpayer can really sink his or her teeth into — food.

Not the lack of it mind you, but the overabundance of it.  A private research firm probably would have botched this project up entirely.  They would have spent millions researching food shortages and worked to end world hunger.

Silly fools!

Ah, but the federal government in all its infinite wisdom, has found a way to tip the scales in favor of those of us who are carrying a little extra baggage.

They have made it more acceptable to be overweight by looking into our gross eating habits.

How does the government make those extra pounds acceptable?  Simple mathematics.

Here’s how it works:

The average person consumes 1,426 pounds of food in a year, right?  Now let’s say that you put on four pounds during the year.  That’s approximately .28% of what you took in.  More than 99.7% went by the wayside, folks.

So, it all boils down to perspectives.  If you gain four pounds in a year, you actually lost 1,422 pounds.  Why, Weight Watchers would be green with envy.

It’s a lot like income tax.  At the beginning of the year, you choose your withholdings.  At the end of the year, you may have more or less than you had planned.

Thanks to the Department of Agriculture, we’ve all become pretty good dieters.

Maybe they should be doing our taxes too.