For the last 18 years, I have had virtually no life. I only realize this now because I have taken a real job once again, leaving behind my 24/7 self-employment gig and going with an 8 to 5’er instead.
It has been quite a change. Instead of working in my t-shirt and shorts overlooking a beach, I trudge off to work on a Metro bus each morning just before 7 and head into the big city. There I travel to my assigned skyscraper and up to the 26th floor to my office.
There I do pretty much what I used to do. I used to “sit at home, make stuff up and people sent me checks.” Now I “sit in an office, make stuff up and my employer sends me a check.” See? Not much difference.
Oh, I know that self-employment thing sounds romantic. But here’s something I’ve learned over the last three months. People with real jobs get a lot of free time. So much free time, that I find at times that I am bored stiff.
I know. Me bored. But hear me out.
When I called my own shots, I was constantly in work mode. If I wasn’t slaving away to meet a deadline, I was either looking for new projects, engaged in non-stop marketing, or doing all the endless paperwork that having a business requires. I can’t tell you how many times a letter would arrive from the IRS that would spin me into a doom and gloom cycle as it simultaneously wiped out my bank account.
Running a business is a 24/7 endeavor when you are a one-man shop. Don’t let anyone sell you something different. I’ve been there. You never rest. You are always trying to figure out how to make more sales, make more money, keep more money and best your competitors. Someone is always trying to steal your slice of the pie and it never ends.
So, imagine my surprise when I went back to the work-a-day world. I get home around 5:30 every day. If I was still working for myself, work would be still going on at 5:30, 6:00, 6:30, sometimes all the way to 11 p.m. if I was on deadline.
The next morning, same drill. There were times, of course, when there was no work to do. And then I would fret about having no income, not being able to pay my bills, eventually going hungry and finally, losing the roof over my head.
Now I come home and there’s nothing for me to do. Yes, I check email. But that’s about it as far as what I do in the evening in my office.
Beyond that, I am a bit bored. It’s not that I don’t have anything else to do. I have my guitars in the next room and songs to learn, a new book to write, some new L’eggArt to create. But gone is that sense of continual urgency (and dread) that marked those days of working for myself.
It’s amazing to me what a driving force it really was. When I used to play my guitar, I would inevitably experience a lot of guilt that I wasn’t spending those stolen moments trying to land another job.
And on those rare occasions that I went on vacation, I would end up working because every day spent on vacation meant I was losing money. You just can’t tell a client to wait until you get back home. They will just go somewhere else.
I still remember being on Green Turtle Cay in the Bahamas. On vacation in a gorgeous place, everyone out having fun. Me? I am leaning at a precarious angle on the guest bed, trying to eek out a single bar of Wi-Fi from the liquor store next door, the only hot spot on the island. I had no choice, a client had an emergency.
I got vacation on the 4th of July. I got paid for not going to work. Oh, my God, what a concept! I didn’t even check email or do a RobZerrvation because I was so on vacation.
Last week, I filled out all my paperwork for retirement. Yes, a retirement plan. Glory hallelujah! Imagine that, you get paid never to work again! I can’t even believe that happens still.
But there’s more. I know that the day will come when I won’t feel good. I might even get the flu or something. Right now, I have a really noisy knee, largely because my body has not been very fond of this commuting thing and actually having to walk. Eventually, I suppose it will need to be looked at.
Hallelujah times two! I have health insurance. Out of the last 18 years, I have had health insurance for four. Working for yourself, when the money gets tight, insurance is the first thing to go. Self-insuring is damned expensive! So you have to make choices. Is it more important to eat this month, or have health insurance. You roll the dice, drop the insurance and hope to hell you dont get sick.
But now, I can go to the doctor or dentist any time I want. It’s not that I will. I don’t really like them regardless of my coverage. But if I really need one, at least now I can go and it won’t totally bankrupt me. Why, I might even go for a checkup just for giggles and grins.
I really should have done this years ago. But I was delusional. I admit it. I really believed that it was my lot in life to swim against the current and call my own shots. But it comes at a cost, a very high cost.
So, here I am, another weekend with nothing to do. As I said, I have things that I need to do. There’s a dresser from IKEA still laying on the floor in the master in a billion pieces. I can see it from where I sit in my spacious but rarely inhabited office, calling to me to put it together. So this is what people do on weekends. How refreshing!
In the Emerald City, heading off to work for the man,
– Robb