I sometimes marvel at the polar opposites our society finds itself in. Few people want to take the middle ground, but really, that’s where all the fun is because, well, either you don’t have to take sides or you can take all sides.
It’s funny how things come around in full circle. When I was young, it was Ford or Chevy, phones were black or white, it was rice or potatoes, Superman or Batman. There wasn’t even paper or plastic yet, just paper.
I am sure my parents would have loved more choices back then. But there weren’t as many as we have now. I largely blame Baskin and Robbins for this. Before them, it was vanilla or chocolate. Then came those cursed 31 flavors. Suddenly a relatively simple choice became a conundrum, and you stood there paralyzed with indecision.
Starbuck didn’t help either. You just can’t seem to get basic coffee anymore; an order has to be spun from your tongue like the lyrics from a Steely Dan song, neither of which can be understood except by a chosen few.
I see in the latest polls that we’re split right down the middle for our president. Depending on the polls, it’s 40-something percent for one and 40-something percent for the other. Neither side is going to budge, a Democrat isn’t about to vote for a damned capitalist pig Republican and a damned Republican isn’t about to vote for those socialist, borderline commies on the other side. There’s just one side in every argument in their lonely worlds.
It’s Ford and Chevy all over again. It’s getting like that with phones, for godssake. I got an iPhone 5 a couple days ago, largely because my 3GS sucks. It’s old and no longer very functional. So I got another iPhone. I like Apple. I have a Mac at home and an iPad. At work, I have a PC. Big freaking deal either way really. I learned long ago that it’s what you do with a computer that counts, not what its operating system is.
Yet there are some crazed people out in this world who think they were anointed by the technology pope to evangelize Apple or Android. Who really gives a sh** which one you buy? I don’t. I buy what I like but I don’t really need to demonize someone who wants a Samsung Galaxy. Good for them. Enjoy! Again, it’s an operating system and in the final analysis, it’s just a phone. Hell, you still get the choice we used to get in the 1950s – black or white.
Oh, I remember all the nonsense arguments that went on about Ford or Chevy. I grew up in a Ford family. My uncle was a Chevy guy. I can’t tell you how much hot air went to waste in my house over that one. Today, I drive a Saturn. Before that I had a Ford, before that a Dodge, and somewhere in between an Isuzu, Honda, Pontiac and Daewoo.
If it looks like I like having choices, you’re right. I have a few brand loyalties. I like Nathan’s hot dogs and Tillamook cheese. I still prefer Campbell’s soups over the other brands. And that’s about the extent of it, really. I can count my favorites on one hand. The rest of my decisions rest on the ever shifting tide of whim, fancy and what’s on sale.
It’s nice being in the middle. I don’t have to engage in endless, insipid discussion about who’s better. Obama or Mitt, Apple or Samsung, Huskies or Cougars, Coke or Pepsi… who cares, really?
Perhaps that’s the reason why I feel so bad for those who only see things one way. It’s all or nothing in their world. “We’re damned screwed if so and so gets to be blank.” I’ll let you in on a little secret. Those of us in the middle, the chosen few, think we’re screwed either way. Our job is to vote for the lesser of evils because we ran out of good candidates years ago.
The same is true with the rest of our lives. Go ahead and shell out $300 for a pair of trendy tennis shoes. More power to you. You’re good for the economy. Me? I am a nightmare for the economy. A couple weeks ago, I went into Sports Authority to buy my son some cleats. I got myself a new pair of running shoes. I don’t run, but I do like to have a pair around for when I’m “running” errands. The cost. $59 for a pair of Nikes on sale.
Having no brand loyalty is one of the most freeing things you can have in life. Lord knows, that’s tough for a marketing guy to say, but it is the truth. You don’t just get one choice, you get all the choices.
It’s a lot like being bisexual. I don’t have any experience in this, but I have a couple friends that do. I remember walking into a bar once and said to my friend, “You are really lucky. Only half the room has any chance of going home with me tonight. You take anyone home you want.”
I guess being in the middle, an independent thinker, is a lot like that. I don’t have to limit my choices. I can have it all. I can have a single ice cream cone with 31 scoops layered on it if I want. I don’t have to pick chocolate or vanilla, unless I really feel like having one or the other or both that day.
If you are a died in the wool something or other, that’s fine. I’m not trying to sway you to be a free thinker somewhere in the middle of our tug of war existence of one choice or another. Quite frankly, I enjoy being in the minority here. I get to be the people both sides pander to. They really want my business, vote, opinion, what have you.
So, to all the Ford and Chevy lovers, Apple/Android freaks and fervent Lefts and Rights, enjoy your world of isolation. I’ll go with the tutti-frutti, thank you!
In the Emerald City driving down the middle of the road because there’s less traffic there,
– Robb