Yes, you read right. My child, my spawn, is on my sh** list right now. No, it’s not because of the money I have ended up owing the IRS over the years. It’s all paid up (as far as I know). Sometimes my baby makes more money than I think it does and I don’t suck it dry enough to make the numbers work.
Oh yes, there are times when it didn’t make much money at all. Last year, it all went down the pooper shooter for something like the third time. Feast or famine is the name of the game in small business. It’s nearly impossible to do all the marketing to get business and do all the work you bring in at the same time.
No, I curse my baby, CommuniCreations for other reasons. Now that I have returned to the working world and marvel at how I actually have money in the bank and all the taxes and obligations are paid, I have come to realize that CommuniCreations was like a slow leak in an air mattress. You know it’s not filling up like it’s supposed to, but the leaks are so small and so gradual that you never hear a full on sucking sound that lets you know that the damned thing is in trouble.
For 18 years, it’s leaked. I was just not really paying attention, largely because there wasn’t enough famine to warrant it. In all those years, CommuniCreations only lost money once that I recall.
As you know, most businesses – about 80% – fail in the first year. Another third or half fail by year five. I made it to 18 years. Not bad. Over that time we went from two employees to four to two and finally to one. We worked in our rental home’s basement, moved up to a posh office overlooking Sinclair Inlet, moved it to backwater U.S.A. in Melbouring, Florida overlooking a former horse pasture and ended its days overlooking the beach on North Hutchinson Island.
Now, some would say, “Wow, you had quite the run with being your own boss. What freedom. You even could just pull all the stakes up and move it across the country our even out of the country if you wanted to.”
I thought this too. Until it dawned on me that Cur-sedCreations was the reason everything in my life went to hell in a hand basket.
As most of you know, I headed off to Florida in the space of a week chasing tail, and not really good tail at that. It wasn’t a decision most rational people make. I initially blamed it on the anti-anxiety medication I was on at the time that made me fearless when it came to consequences. I didn’t have any understanding about the repercussions this flaky move would have on my family, friends, commitments, clients. Nothing!
I used to believe that my drug induced state was the only reason I skipped off to Florida. Rather than be fearful of an uncertain future, I just charged on into the unknown.
But over this past weekend it occurred to me that it wasn’t just the drugs; it was the company.
Back in 2003, CommuniCreations was located in the Christman building in Port Orchard. Me, I was getting pretty dissatisfied with the whole adventure. I guess it was a midlife crisis for the company, having just reached our 10th anniversary. I had applied for a job with Disney and even got an interview with them. I’ve already chronicled that part of my life. But suffice it to say I was open to change.
Then the whole Michelle thing unfolded around the same time. I got caught with my hand in the wrong cookie jar as we all know. At this point I was given the option to stay or leave and in the space of a day, I chose to leave everything I knew in Seattle and head for a total unknown 3,000 miles away.
What a dumbsh**! But that’s what I chose and Cur-sedCreations gave me the latitude to do that.
If I had had a real job, I would have never left. I know that now, because I would never leave the job I have with the state to chase tail anyplace. I have a regular check arriving, some scratch in the old bank account, paid holidays and vacation, I can get sick and still be paid, and I can even get paid when I retire.
My God, no one is worth leaving all those perks behind. I could never picture walking into my boss’ office now and saying, “Hey there, I met some tail in Florida and I’m moving there at the end of the week.”
Unfortunately, Cur-sedCreations could move anywhere. It had moved from Seattle to Port Orchard and it was no big deal. So why couldn’t I just move it to Florida?
So I and it did. Oh, sure, there was the initial post-leaving tussle about the house and the company that my ex and I both owned. But I traded one for the other and Cur-sedCreations did move to Florida. A couple UPS boxes and voila! – I still had a job in the Sunshine State.
I know. Big mistake. I suppose if I had a real business with inventory I would have thought twice. But I had a business that exists largely because of the inventory of stuff in my head, not in a warehouse or retail shop. It is, or should I say was, pretty portable.
Today, Cur-sedCreations is in a quiet state of limbo. Sure, you can still visit the website, you can still read all about the company and its capabilities. You can even see me there, smiling as a young, innocent waif of one, a photo that really captures the essence of the guy running the company throughout the last 18 years. A mere child, a beardless youth, taking his toys and sandbox with him whenever he was in the mood.
Some things are better left in the past, it seems. I know now that I have done something most people would never even try to do, create a business out of nothing. But there are other adventures to be had out there. And I think that I am far better off being grounded in the reality of an 8 to 5’er than to bask in the fantasy of calling my own shots and being my own man.
In the Emerald City, working for the man and pretty happy about it,
– Robb