Congress really needs a marketing professional, or at the very least, a skilled copywriter. More and more, Congress seems to be unable to capture the essence of a bill with a name that anyone can remember. You know those gems of the past, such as the American with Disabilities Act, the Homestead Act or the Civil Rights Act. Clear, to the point and memorable. They are a marketer’s dream.
But these days, Congress can’t articulate in any way, shape or form what their bills are about, at least a form the common voter can understand. Instead, they are all caught up in positioning bills like they are products you pick from a shelf – really bad products, but products nonetheless.
We all know the REPEAL Act, the one that tried to overturn the President’s healthcare overhaul. It stood for Revoke Excessive Policies that Encroach on American Liberties Act. A little bit of editorializing here? Sure, you want a cool acronym, but really, Excessive? Encroach? I’m just not sure it sticks with the public.
Obviously, the election results have proven this. Congress really needs to take a hard look at the branding of these bills. They are dying on the vine not because they are such stupid ideas (which they are), but because they are hard to remember and rally around.
The great rallies to a cause in America are short and to the point. Fifty-four Forty or Fight and Tippecanoe and Tyler Too come readily to mind. Never heard of President Blaine? That’s because his copywriter was way too wordy. “Ma Ma, Where’s My Pa, Gone to the White House Ha, Ha, Ha.”
Now who authored that drivel?
Obviously, a great, great something or other of Senator Pat Toomey. While the Revoke Excessive Policies that Encroach on American Liberties Act is a real tongue twister, Sen. Toomey has outdone everyone with his current deficit bill. He and 30 of his crony colleagues plan to introduce the – ready for it? – Ensuring the Full Faith and Credit of the United States and Protecting America’s Soldiers and Seniors Act. No, I’m not making this up. I don’t really have to. Congress is thinking this up all on its own.
Yes, Congress has occasionally tried to be come up with something memorable and hip, once introducing the BOSS Act. The full name is Better Oversight for Secondary Sales and Accountability in Concert Ticketing. They worked overtime on that one, since it had to do with sales of Bruce Springsteen concert tickets, which for some reason needed the attention of a legislative body that appears to be angry they didn’t get good seats from their many lobbyists.
O.K., I can roll with the BOSS Act perhaps. It’s at least an attempt to be cute and memorable. But the EFFCUSPASSA that Sen. Toomey introduced? It’s dead on arrival. Hell, no one can remember the acronym, let alone the actual name of the bill. And if you’re just a bit dyslexic, it can even look and sound a bit dirty.
I guess it’s not all Congress’ fault. Governments like acronyms. When I first came to work for the state, I was lost in a sea of acronyms, none of which made any sense. For example, I still don’t really know what AWB stands for. I heard it during one of my first meetings and I was sure they were talking about the Average White Band.
In fact, we talk in acronyms constantly. I still have no idea what they really mean. You’d think this would be a problem, but it’s really not. When I was writing about complex medical procedures a couple years ago, I simply chugged right along in acronym world. I didn’t have to explain any of it or even know what it all meant – the doctors would. Same here in government – just spew acronyms and nod your head when others spew them back.
Still, I really think Congress could use a Marketing pro to help them out. I know they really want to stick it to the other side with their silly bill names, as if sticks and stones really do break bones.
If they had a marketing guy, though, they would call Toomey’s bill the We Need to Pay Our Damn Bills Act since that is what the whole thing is really about. The feds ran up a big bill over the years, drunk on power and perks, and hit the credit limit on the old government credit card. Now they are are arguing about whether they should actually pay the bill now. It doesn’t do a thing about our current spending. These are bills sitting on the desk, waiting to be paid.
But that would be much too obvious. It says nothing about protecting America’s soldiers or our seniors, which the debt ceiling has nothing to do with anyway. They could have just called it The Kitchen Sink Act. That would have been both memorable and descriptive.
But the EFFCUSPASSA? I get a funny feeling that during the recent Congressional recess Pat vacationed in Washington State. I think he was sampling the local flora and fauna that the good people here recently legalized. No one in their right mind would think EFFCUSPASSA was a good acronym or that the Ensuring the Full Faith and Credit of the United States and Protecting America’s Soldiers and Seniors While Sticking It to All the Democrats, President and People Who Didn’t Vote For Us Act was a name we would all readily get behind.
Perhaps we need a new bill to fix this mess. I propose GROOCA – the Get Rid of Our Congressmen Act. I know that it’s short, but the results would be OOS (Oh, So Sweet).
TAFN, SYITFP,
– ROBB