Being at Rusty Scuppers Pirate Daze this past weekend, I had the good fortune to watch kids have a really good go at tug-o-war. It certainly brought back lots of memories for me, and not always good ones.
You see, I have never been good at tug-o-war. Oh, sure, I’ve played it plenty of times. Occasionally I would even get a good first pull in, only to find that I quickly lost ground. I rarely ever anchored, because everyone knew that I would lose my footing very quickly and end up getting drug a good distance, vanquished by someone who was not necessarily stronger, but who knew how to pull my chain as well as the rope.
I’ve learned over the years that these tug-o-war games never work out. If I was better at it, or if I played unfairly, I might have liked them better. But there I would be, minding my own business, or perhaps even engaged in a little traditional give and take, when I suddenly would find myself holding a rope and being pulled across the finish line.
It reminds me a bit of a three-way we had at Bald Head Island one time. No, not that kind of three way. It really was a tug-o-war match. One of the crews on the rope thought it funny to tie their end to a tree. We compensated for that quickly, just letting go of the rope when the word “GO!” was yelled out by the referee.
They fell flat on their arses and we laughed and laughed as they were one-upped by those who outsmarted them, not outweighed them.
I’ve had that trick played on me as well, but let’s start with how the game of tug-o-war usually played out.
As I said, I often didn’t even know I was holding a rope when someone on the other end started tugging on it for dear life. The person I was involved with would be at the ready, holding onto the rope, its end tied tightly around her waist. Just as I would come to realize that a rope had been placed in my unsuspecting hands, it would be yanked – hard. I would be over the finish line in moments, losing round after round as the victor did the happy dance, finding that once again she got her way, if only through trickery and deceit.
Me, I would just lie there in the muck and the mud, bewildered and embarrassed, not knowing what to do next. My adversary, on the other hand, would prepare for the next round, knowing that she’d be even faster on the draw this time, or a little slower yelling “GO!” if she even bothered to yell it at all.
I eventually would learn. It would be then that I would simply dig in my heels at every opportunity, whether there was a rope in play or not. I would become belligerent, contrary and uncooperative, figuring that I could meet their zealous play with my own reluctance to play at all.
Not fair you say? It certainly seemed to be a lot more pleasant than being drug through the muck and the mud time after time, as if a relationship is winner take all. I guess for them it was, for eventually they took it all, the house, the car, the furniture and the bank accounts.
I am just kidding here. How could I pass up a joke like that? And even if they did (I really have lost a couple houses along the way), who really wants to be in a relationship like that, where there is always a battle going on for position and eventual supremacy.
I guess that’s all I’ve known in relationships all these years. I chalk that up to being attracted to and dating strong women who seemed to bring their own rope and rules with them into the game of love. I just assumed that’s the way these things work.
And then I found someone who doesn’t even want to play tug-o-war. I’m sure there’s a rope around here somewhere that we could use, but neither of wants to pick up an end of it. And even if we did, we’d probably just help the other person pull it to their side, making sure neither of us got drug through the muck and ended up just fine in the “winner’s circle.”
I add the quote marks because Kat and I don’t have a “winner’s circle.” The only winning that goes on here seems to be when we both come to an agreement, either to agree on a subject or agree to disagree.
I can’t really tell you which we do more of, as we don’t keep score. Ah, yes, keeping score. That certainly has been the case in my past. A certain someone was so good at keeping score that she could and would regularly bring up something that happened two years before in crystal clear detail and win another round of tug-o-war by default, largely because I didn’t have the faintest idea what she was talking about. Point. Game. Match.
The good news is that she ended up winning the rope, too. I’m sure she’s busy pulling someone else along with it now, or playing a little tug-o-war with the deck firmly stacked in her favor.
No matter. I don’t have to play tug-o-war anymore. It’s kind of cool, especially since I had no idea that this is how the whole thing could work. You don’t need to play any relationship games in a relationship. Imagine that?
I still am not sure what I’m going to do with any leftover rope I have around the house. But I’m sure I’ll find some interesting use for it.
In the Emerald City, trying to remember my slip knots,
– Robb