They say that there’s nothing good on television today, but I have to say that a news article this morning and the movie WALL-E shed a lot of light on our world and how we’re gleefully heading off into oblivion as a society.
We’ll start with the news article. ‘Tis the season as we all know and the segment on the morning news was on technology gift giving. There’s a fervor these days about creating the connected home, where we run everything on our smartphones, from starting the dishwasher to turning off the bedroom light that is right next to us on our nightstand, just an arm’s length away.
The show this morning showed just how inane and dangerous this can all be. First, they were showing us how we could see our kitchen from our bedroom on our television with Google’s technology. Ignore the fact that in the time it took to load the camera feed, I could have bounded downstairs and been back into my bed before the cursor stopped spinning. Once it loaded, we got to see mom drinking coffee. Wow, can’t live without that piece of tech.
Yes, I get that it could be a security feature. I mean, when people break into my home, the refrigerator is the first place they would stop and I’m sure they would never even notice the camera in the room.
But it gets better, my friends. Next, we turned to the living room. It’s the holidays, so it was very festive. There was mom, her son and her pet rabbit sitting on the couch. Across the way was the Christmas tree. There on live TV she said, “Google, turn on the Christmas tree.” Long, long, long pause, and the tree comes on.
I have a tree up in my living room right now. As the coffee perked a good morning to me today, I turned the tree on. I didn’t talk to any device. I simply bent down and pushed the damned button. No pause. No technology. No need.
And the coup degrâce of the news segment? The so-called technology expert on the segment asked Google to sing Happy Birthday to the lady’s son.
Now, when I think 15th birthdays, I think Google. Why should I sing an off-key rendition of the song when Google can sing my son a disembodied, machine-ish version because I am obviously too lazy to do it myself.
Which brings me to WALL-E. If you haven’t seen the movie, you should. This Pixar gem takes place in the distant future, long after we’ve polluted the earth to the point that we need to leave it. WALL-E is stuck cleaning all of it up. Thankfully, he has a videotape of Hello Dolly to keep him company. And a cricket, or a cockroach. Maybe it was a cocket or a crickroach. I don’t know.
Fast forward through the movie and we’re on a spaceship. It’s filled with everyone who used to live on earth. They’re flying around the solar system, waiting for the earth to be habitable again.
And here’s where the movie WALL-E, which was made almost a decade ago, really shines. It shows the future inhabitants of our earth as rolly-polly fatsos. We’re all obese, so much so that we have to live life in a Starship Lounge Chair that does everything for us. Right in front of us is the Apple iPhone-35 monitoring all of our needs on the screen. We don’t have to lift a damned finger.
Sound familiar? This is where this connected home crap is taking us. Now, I readily admit that I am a technophile. I like my technology. I like my toys, especially the bleeding-edge stuff.
As such, I can readily understand the importance of having a doorbell at the front door that shows me on my phone who is standing there. True, I have the luxury of having a window on my door, so I can always creep up on it to take a peek. But if I weren’t here, it would be nice to have the video feed so Kat feels safe.
I also used to have a video camera in my house that connected to my phone. I had it so I could make sure my step-daughter wasn’t sneaking boys into our house while I was at work. Once she moved out, the camera went away. I don’t even know where it is right now.
As you can see, I have drawn some lines in the sand. I like to be connected, but not too connected. I don’t ever see a time when I will need an app and a smart-socket to turn my tree on and off with my phone. Or my lights. I kind of like doing it the old-fashioned way, if for no other reason than it makes me get up off my fat ass and do what little exercise I do in a day.
I worry that we’re all going to end up making WALL-E look like a documentary some day. We barely need to lift a finger now.
My lovely wife is the proud owner of a Fitbit. She regularly reports how many steps she takes in a day, which is far more than those cows in the Organic Valley commercials are taking. I told her that I would be unlikely to wear one, if only because it would show I only take about 500 steps in an entire day. It would track and alternately mock my connected life where I sit at a computer and make stuff up for a living, rather than having an honest job that requires me to move.
Just what I need, more technology to show me that I am on the fast-track to getting the first WALL-E Starship Lounger on Amazon. Hmm, I wonder what they are selling for today, since it’s CyberMonday?
“Alexa, what is the price on the…?”
I am freakin’ doomed.
In the Emerald City, wishing I had a drinkevator in my house so I didn’t have to go downstairs to refill my coffee cup.
- Robb