RobZerrvations
Musings from a Meandering, Mischievous Mind
All The World’s A Stage, And I Am Very Afraid.
A couple weeks ago I did something I thought I would have never done. I went to open mike night. I know, I know. Big deal, right? I've been performing on stage for 35 years now, so what's one more performance? I thought the same thing. I had gone the week before to the Kilted Mermaid to see what "open mike" was all about. There were roughly five musicians performing that night, from Donnie Haight, a very talented 14 year old singer/songwriter to a really great Celtic singer, Paul. They were...
Baseball, Schmaseball.
I know that baseball is America's game, but I won't have anything to do with it. And while I could endlessly quote George Carlin on the many reasons why baseball is a total bore, I can only give my own experiences. First, I must admit that I am a football guy. I have been since I was 10 or so, back when I rooted for Vine Lombardi and the Green Bay Packers. I've only had three teams in my life, the Packers, the Rams (when they were still in LA), and the Seattle Seahawks. Even though I am in...
Happy Unniversary To Me…
With my fifth unniversary at hand, I thought it appropriate to tell the tale of my pirate marriage to the last ex-whatever, you know, the pretend one. This is an excerpt from my upcoming book, Memoirs of a Buccaneer: My 30 Years Before the Mast, which is due out in November. With my Washington life now far behind me, I decided to work hard on being a good little boyfriend and mate to Diosa. I probably never would have married her, but the second Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest was...
Excuse Me, That’s A Breach Of Piddle Etiquette.
I was down in Jupiter last Saturday to see Captain Ringo and help him usher in his birthday, which was July 4. It was a nice little soiree, with stilt walkers, break dancers, great music, beer and treasure. How can you go wrong? Of course, with vast amounts of beer in play at any one time, the restrooms there were doing a booming business. I myself contributed a fair share to the pot during the festivities, and it was there that I encountered a rare breach of etiquette. As most men know,...
Yoiks And Away!
As I've noted in past RobZerrvations, I lost my brother Jon when I was just 14. To use his own vernacular, it was a real "bummer." Even though we had grown up together, being 10 years older than I, we weren't really close for much of our childhood. It wasn't until his marriage took a crash dive and he moved back to the house that he decided it was time to take me under his wing and show me the ways of the world. Looking back, I think he did this in large part because my father had taken ill....
My First Smooch.
As a young man growing up in the free-loving 60s, I certainly was a bit of a dweeb. I really liked girls, all the way back to the 3rd grade when I had my first crush, Joleta Cutler. She doesn't remember me in the least but I certainly remember her. I was swooning. We never kissed each other back then. Hey, I was in 3rd grade! I liked girls, but was scared to death of them. In some respects, I still am. My second girlfriend actually knew I liked her. Karen Teichrow. She was my girlfriend in 4th...
I Hear That Train A Coming.
Like most of you, I have watched the economy sputter along for several years now. And while we would love to blame the president or Congress for all our woes, according to leading economists, it's not their fault, but in some respects ours. Now, before any of my unemployed or underemployed friends yell at me, hear me out. I didn't make this up. I am simply reporting on what others say and in large part, it makes sense. Over the weekend I was watching CBS Sunday Morning. On the show was...
I’ll Have Two Kids. And Could I Get Them To Go Please?
I am the proud father of two wonderful children. I suppose few parents ever brag that they are the proud father or mother of two messed up losers, but mine really aren't, at least not yet. I often joke that I have two only children, which is mostly true. They are 17 years apart in age, so one was almost out the door when the next one arrived in this world. This was neither by design or by accident. As with most things in our lives, it just happened that way. It's the side effect of being...
You Can’t Vote The Real Rascals Out.
Ah, the election follies are just around the bend and the cast of characters just gets better all the time. But what truly amazes me is the hatred each side has for the other and how everyone takes sides, as if a change of a president or even an entire Congress will make a bit of difference. It won't and here's why. There are 1.35 million civilian workers in the federal government. We elect only 536 of them, a president, 435 representatives and 100 senators. We don't even really elect the vice...
Sorry, I Don’t Do Drugs.
I am something of a rarity, I hear. I think I may be the only Boomer who went through the 60s, 70s and 80s who's never tried drugs. Well, not the illicit or illegal variety that is. That's not to say I am some holier than thou goody two shoes. I could tell you stories (oh, yeah, I do) about my antics in life, from disappearing girls in my bed to waking up naked and still drunk on the beach with a bunch of kids staring at me who are probably still undergoing therapy. But for some reason, the...
I Don’t Like Spiders and Snakes.
I don't have too many freaky phobias. I admit to never being fond of heights or falling. As such, my love affair with roller coasters, particularly those that spiral or loop, never came to be. In the bug department, I do profess to having some fears. Totally unfounded, but they work for me. You see, I don't like anything that has too many legs or no legs at all. Not all of them mind you. As we all know, my rules can be very fluid and while one creature may escape my wrath, another of the same...
Whatever You Do…Don’t Kiss The Girl.
I've alluded to the fact that I had mononucleosis when I turned 18. As you all know, it's called the kissing disease, though you can get it from many sources. Me, I got mine from wanting to see a pair of boobs. I had met my girlfriend just before the end of my senior year. She was selling Ojo de Dios (Eye of God) at the Spanish class stand at the International Fair in the cafeteria. Me, I was rolling around in a robot suit. Like any of you should be surprised at that. When I saw my future...