For as long as I can remember I have been a bit of a flirt. OK, let’s drop the bit part of that. I am a huge flirt. It’s not like I ever learned how to be one. It just happened. Perhaps somewhere in the family DNA there is the mutant flirt gene. I know my father was a flirt, most of my uncles were and certainly my oldest brother Jon could have written the textbook on flirtation.
For those who are a bit confused about what is flirtation and what is foreplay, I have done a bit of actual research on the topic (OK, I wiki’d it).
Flirting is an art form. It’s where a man or a woman speak or behave in a way that mildly suggests that there is greater intimacy than is actually present in a relationship. It is never vulgar, and it exists within the bounds of accepted social etiquette. Hence the art part. Flirtation can include the use of double entendres, body language, brief touching, eye contact, etc. It can also be the issue of challenges, such as leading questions, teasing or feigned disinterest.
I like to refer to it as a dance. A delightful dance where the partners trade off being the lead. Think of it as a tango, with all the sexual tension underlying the play. And flirting is play.
Unfortunately, in our world, it is increasingly not politically correct. When I worked in corporate, I woud compliment a female coworker on their new dress or their new hairdo. Harmless flirtations. I think nowadays, that is sexual harassment.
Sad, since flirtation is one of the most uplifting things we can do for another human being. To illustrate, I will pull a recent episode out of my upcoming pirate memoirs, as being a flirt is a large part of being a pirate or a wench. In this case, I happened upon three older ladies as I was leaving Conch Republic Independence Days in Key West this past April.
Part of being a good pirate is knowing how to read the eyes and body language of people to see if they want to play with you. These ladies game me the visual high sign so I stopped and kissed their hands, doing the usual flirtatious speech about the difference between the way a gentleman and a rogue kiss.
The older woman who was about 90 was self-conscious because some of her teeth were missing. She said one had fallen out the day before and the other three quickly followed suit. Without thinking I said, “Well, maybe they were just lonely and missed the other tooth. I’d miss you the same way. You’re a real looker you are.” Her face just lit up.
As the girls got into the car, I heard one say, “Well that was really fun, wasn’t it?” All in a day’s work as a pirate.
That is the art of flirtation. And I love to be a flirt. It’s not like I ever think about it. I don’t consciously say to myself, “Hey, I think I’m going to flirt with this person.” It’s a lot like breathing for me. It is so much a part of my inner core that I do it without me even knowing it.
I think many of my female friends will agree that I am an outrageous flirt. In fact, I am even more flirtatious if I know there’s not a snowball’s chance in Hell that anything can ever progress to another level. This is really where the fun begins because you can play really hard, taking it right to the edge of decency.
If you find a counterpart who is also a great flirt, it is magic. I know the game is on as soon as I deliver the first volley. If she smacks it back at me with gusto, it’s game on. We may end up really hot an bothered, but neither would know it, because the rules of engagement in true flirtation don’t allow it to go that far. So we both leave wondering, “what if?”.
Sometimes, we do find out “what if?” It has happened to me over the years. Outrageous flirtation has ended up with consummation. And even a relationship or two and at least one marriage.
Is there still flirtation? I think so. You can definitely flirt with someone, even if you’ve taken the relationship to another level. While some would argue that that is foreplay, I would say that it’s not. Because the intent isn’t to seduce, but to simply dance. While it can later lead to foreplay and even sex, it doesn’t always have to. Instead, you both just feel great about yourself because someone else showed their interest in you as a sexual being. How cool is that?
The worst of all possible situations for a big flirt is to be in a relationship with someone who does not understand that art form. It is a one-way ticket to disaster, I will tell you. I know this from recent experience, having been involved with someone who thought that everyone I ever flirted with was a threat to her and our relationship. I was chastised over and over for may flirtatious overtures, even though I never cheated on her ever during our tumultuous relationship. I flirted constantly. She shouldn’t have been surprised at that, since that’s how I met her to begin with in Key West.
But people have a funny way of wanting to change you sometimes. And this was certainly the case. Up against an endless onslaught of castigations, I simply quit flirting.
A part of me died inside. I didn’t know it at the time, but others have told me that it was as if a spark went out inside me. And it did. My soul was told to leave some of the toys in the toy box, which had been secured with a lock and key. What kid likes to have his toys taken away?
Thankfully, I got the key to the toy box back a couple years ago and I am back to my old flirtatious ways. I know that at least three people in Key West are very thankful I had my toys back. I am quite confident that there are others out there as well.
Out on the Treasure Coast, flirting up a storm today,
– Robb