As with most young men, my hormones were raging when I turned 13. Puberty had come knocking and I answered the door enthusiastically. Overnight it seemed that I suddenly had all these amazing feelings and, well, urges.
The only problem was I didn’t really know what to do with them. Though I had three older brothers, not one of them ever bothered to clue me in on how the whole male-female thing worked and there was no way I was going to ask my mother.
I was still in a “between girls” phase in my life. I wouldn’t even end up kissing one for another year. Still, I was obsessed with the opposite sex.
When I turned 14, the circus came to town. Well, a certain carnival ride to be exact. She was the daughter of one of my mother’s friends. Their family used to live just down the street from us, but had since moved away to Hermiston, Oregon, the watermelon capital of the world.
This was fine with my mother. She told me years later that her friend was a bit of a loose woman and she was afraid that her daughter would have the same “lust” for life that her mother had.
Lori came to visit that summer. I was instantly infatuated. She was a very pretty girl and in the bonus rounds of a man’s world, was already stacked, far more than any girls I went to school with.
I fell madly in love with her. O.K., looking back it was definitely puppy love. But to me it was very real at the time.
A couple days later Lori returned to Hermiston and I returned to my world filled with my creative pursuits – I was always building or making something back then. Funny how some things don’t change.
We entered a torrid letter writing stage, telling each other our deepest thoughts and secrets that I am sure would be hilarious to read these days. She would always kiss the back of the envelope with her lipsticked lips… Yes, SWAK.
I can’t read these letters, of course. A year later, I received Dear Robb letter. Lori was breaking our long distance relationship off. She had a boyfriend down in Oregon, so I was cast adrift on the sea of heartbreak.
My first broken heart. I was absolutely crushed, so much so that I decided to burn all her letters to me and the school photos she had sent me. I didn’t want to have any memory of her.
I thought I had forgotten all about Lori. That was until she returned two years later for another family visit. By now she had become a full fledged woman and I had just gotten my driver’s license. A deadly combination.
Lori and I decided that we should go for a drive. That was fine with her parents. My mother didn’t mind either, as long as I took her little brother along with us.
Damn! This was going to be a bit of a problem. How was I supposed to use all my moves (all two of them) with Lori with her brother in tow. We drove around for a while talking and flirting with one another. She had told me that her boyfriend of the time made her write that letter and she still had feelings for me.
Eventually, we ended up in Coal Creek at a little park. We went for a walk in the woods. Yes, all three of us. Finally, we arrived at the perfect spot to renew our acquaintance, if you will. We stood there for a moment. I tried to get her brother to head back to the ballfields near the car. He wouldn’t budge. I finally gave him 50ยข to disappear for a bit. He did.
It was then that I saw my first pair of breasts. Well, at least breasts that I could play with. I didn’t know really what to do with them. They were splendid to be sure, but looking at centerfolds doesn’t exactly prepare you for the day when the breasts are in 3-D and within easy reach.
Fortunately, I didn’t have much time to consider my options. We could hear her brother returning. Like a parking meter, he obviously figured my time had elapsed. I wish I had had a five-spot.
We drove off again, returning home. But not for long. We made up a lame excuse that we wanted Slurpees and promised to bring her brother one back. Before we reached the 7-11, we made a little side trip to the nearby elementary school. It was time for some heavy necking.
One thing led to another and it wasn’t long before Lori’s hand was guiding mine into her cutoffs. I was freaking out. This was new territory for me and I wasn’t really sure what mysteries awaited for me.
By now things were getting pretty hot. It appeared that she really wanted me to let my fingers do the walking, but I didn’t know the lay of the land. Suffice it to say, I am sure she had a horrific bruise in that forest the next day, as I didn’t know back then that there was a cave waiting just beyond the horizon.
I am laughing about this as I type. What an innocent little boy I was. Though I had had sex ed in 9th grade, they were careful back then never to tell you how Tab A fit into Slot B. I was clueless.
Lori and I parted ways again after that day. Obviously, I wasn’t worldly enough for her. She had already lost her virginity behind the Hermiston bowling alley and I was still several years away from losing mine.
It wasn’t until many years later, almost 20 years later, that we saw one another again. I was performing in Eastern Washington and Lori showed up unexpectedly for our performance. She had had a rough go of things over the years. Road hard and put away wet as the saying goes. Drugs, some rehab, a failed marriage or two.
As we made small talk, I thought back to how my life could have been so different. If I had paid more attention in sex ed, I might have ended up being married to the Hermiston Watermelon.
Out on the Treasure Coast, finally understanding why I don’t like watermelons, even seedless ones,
– Robb