I was reading a blog post my cohort in crime Denise had written, and it set my mind on a course to consider friendships this morning. I guess it helped that I was surrounded by some of my very dearest friends during the weekend at my book release party, so I’ve been in a bit of a nostalgic mode the last few days.
I am one lucky guy. I have two sets of very good friends, plus a few stragglers who fall outside the line.
I suppose I should explain this. Growing up in Washington State, I forged some really great friendships, many that have endured decades of ups and downs, as is often the case with friends.
Having also lived in Florida for seven years, I have another set of good friends there. I also have friends who live in the states that lie between the left and right coasts.
I don’t have a lot of friends, like some people claim because I have a very narrow definition of what a friend is.
I actually have several levels of friends: Acquaintances, Casual Friends, Close Friends and Kidney Friends. Oh, I can hear you now… what the hell is a Kidney Friend?
I’ll start at the most basic level which is also the largest circle of “friends.”
Acquaintances
If you think about it, most of the people we call friends are actually acquaintances. Of course, Facebook isn’t going to open up a can of worms like this and add an “Acquaintance” button. You’re either a “Friend” or you’re not. I understand their desire to simplify, but it requires me to go in and manually categorize everyone anyway because I can’t keep track of 500+ people at once.
For me, an acquaintance is someone I have met online or through other friends. I know them casually. I don’t know an awful lot about them, and they really don’t know a lot about me. But when we’re together, we catch up with one another at various levels and enjoy one another’s company. However, if I called them when I was in jail, they would most likely let me rot there.
Casual Friends
These are the friends that I have a history with. We may have spent some time together and perhaps even bonded during that time. A lot of pirates and wenches fall into this category. We have a great time when we’re together and will help one another out when we can as long as it’s not too much of an inconvenience. This is not to slight the relationship. It’s just that there is only so much time in a day and available time slots usually go to Close Friends and family first.
Casual Friends come and go with great regularity. Some may fall back into being an Acquaintance, others may ascend to the rank of Close Friend.
You didn’t know this could all be so complex, did you?
Close Friends
Next up are my Close Friends. Stealing from Denise’s blog that was written for our client www.great-quotes.com, – “Cherish the friend who tells you a harsh truth, wanting ten times more to tell you a loving life.”
I have very few but very good Close Friends who won’t hesitate to tell me I am full of sh**. I’m not quite sure how friends become Close Friends, but I can tell you how they are different from Casual Friends. For me, a Close Friend will answer a call in the dead of night and come bail my ass out of jail without even a single word, admonishment or “I told you so.” Of course, I would do the same for them as well.
While I may not welcome a Casual Friend to come bunk with me after their marriage goes down in flames or they lost all their money on a bad bet, I will take a Close Friend in without question.
I can count my Close Friends on two hands and have a couple digits left over.
That said, a Close Friend may not always be close. I’ve had some of my best friends drift away because of a misunderstanding or a rift. I reconcile this by believing that we all have something to give one another in life and when the exchange is done, we may move on in a search for others who can help us in our journey. I harbor no ill will but I still miss some of them. Some have returned, in fact, after the years have soothed the stormy seas and calm has returned.
Kidney Friends
I’m sure a lot of you have Acquaintances, Casual Friends and Close Friends. But Kidney Friends?
I have to turn to Aristotle for this one. I think he put it best. When asked “What is a friend?” he replied. “A single soul dwelling in two bodies.”
I would like to think that Aristotle was actually talking a Kidney Friend because I really don’t think your soul can be dwelling in the bodies of all your Close Friends… your soul would be spread way too thin.
In my book, a Kidney Friend is someone you would readily give your kidney to when theirs fails. It is a painful, drawn out operation and you can only make this gift to one person one time. It is the most intimate gift you can give another person – the gift of a normal life.
If you think about it, that’s a very special relationship. Not everyone has a Kidney Friend. It is a big commitment and a huge jump from just being Close Friends. You really have to believe in what Aristotle is saying, that you are a single soul dwelling in two bodies. As such, you’d readily give your own kidney to the person who shares your soul.
That kind of gives a new meaning to soul mates doesn’t it? While we love to toss around the idea of being soul mates, I wonder how many of us would offer up a kidney in an instant to help another friend… a Kidney Friend.
Out in the Emerald City, thinking about who is on the donor list,
– Robb