I try not to live life with much regret. I don’t want to be one of those people who are a lying in their death bed, the bright light drawing them away from their earthly body, gasping for air in order to utter their last thoughts. It’s just not me.
In fact, I had always dreamed of having a slot machine next to me. I would have all my last savings changed out into quarters and keep putting them in the slot. As the pile dwindled, so would I, until that last quarter is put in the slot. In my dream demise, it hits the jackpot, causing me to have a massive coronary and I pass on to the other world. If nothing else happened in my life, well, at least I went out a winner.
I recently came across a book that makes me hold onto this idea even more. The Top Five Regrets of the Dying was written by a nurse who kept track of the last moments of her patients and recorded their regrets.
She never heard mentioned that anyone wished they had made more money or had more sex. Instead, the regrets offer us all a lesson in life and death.
When asked what they would do differently, five common themes surfaced again and again.
So what was #1? “I wish I’d have the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
I wonder how many us really live our life, rather than the life others expected to live. Obviously a lot, given the fact that it was the most often mentioned regret of these dying patients. This should give us all pause to think about our own lives, and whether we’re hiding behind the idea of self-sacrifice because we either believe it is somehow noble or because we’re afraid to live life on our terms because others might think of us as selfish. Or perhaps, we’re just afraid.
“I wish I hadn’t worked so hard” was #2 on the list. In pursuit of the almighty dollar and the illusion of security it brings, these patients realized they had missed out on enjoying much of what life had to offer. Endless concerts and plays the kids were in, the close, loving companionship of a partner, something called “carefree timelessness,” laughs with close friends. There’s a song out there called 75 Septembers. I only mention it because the title is very powerful. If you live to be 75, your only get 75 of any day in your life. That’s not very many if you think about it. If I live to be 75, that means I only have 23 birthdays left, 23 Christmases, etc. Time is fleeting, yet we waste so much of it pursuing things that we ultimately can’t take with us.
OK, #3 is a biggy. “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.” How many times do we live a mediocre existence because we’re afraid to speak our minds. This not only leads to regret, but it the bitterness and resentment this burden carries can actually lead to illnesses. Let it all out, always. You can’t control what others think of you in any event, so why not just say what you feel and quit worrying about how it will be received on the other end.
“I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.” We all love to get caught up in our busy little lives, often at the expense of spending time with those who so enrich us. I have to thank Facebook for fixing this part of my life. I am so gratified by all the old friends I have reconnected with as well as people who should have been friends if we hadn’t all been caught up in worrying what others would think about us for hanging out with the geek, the cheerleader, the chess club president, etc. According to the book’s author, nearly everyone mentioned this as they neared the end of their life.
Finally, my favorite: “I wish that I had let myself be happier.” So often I see people revel in the sadness of a moment, letting it consume them. Whether you like it or not, happiness is a choice. Sure, you can remain miserable and immerse yourself in the misery that is your life. Or you can change your environment, your health, your patterns, your habits, your relationship or your job and choose happiness. It is a choice. Each and every second of our short lives we can choose to be happy. According to the author, a fear of change caused many of her dying patients to pretend they were happy when deep down, they weren’t. If you’re miserable and unhappy, don’t blame others. Blame yourself.
I certainly am not perfect. I have been down in the dumps many times. Life has seemed overwhelming on occasion. Some days, I didn’t think I could go on. But looking at this list of regrets, I won’t bitch again. I never want to be at the end of life’s road, filled with any of these regrets. These are a harbinger of a life unlived, of unfulfilled dreams, of fear not courage, and of regret, not satisfaction.
Perhaps we should all think about our lives in terms of what we would regret most at the end and then work every day to make sure we never have to face that regret as life inevitably transitions to death.
We can never know what is to come at the end, but we can live life with all the gusto we can muster, unbridled zeal that life is both a miracle and a mystery, and that we were lucky enough to experience it on this earth. I know I feel very lucky today!
Out in the Emerald City, looking for a jackpot today,
– Robb