I love cheeseburgers. I never seem to get tired of them. In fact, I could have one or two every day and be a very happy man. I had five cheeseburgers in a day once, even. I know, that seems a bit excessive, but I was young and didn’t really know my limitations.
I have lots of friends that like cheeseburgers, too. Some like them just after they wake up in the morning, others like them as a little late night snack. I think cheeseburgers are good any time of the day really. Any time you’re in the mood for one, you should have at it.
Of course, not everyone likes to have cheese on their burgers. Instead, they like their burgers plain. I guess that’s fine, but I think they are really missing out on an orgasmic experience that only a burger with the works can give you.
I have one friend who is adamant about having his burgers plain. No cheese. No condiments. Just a big piece of meat sandwiched between two buns. I confess that I do like the concept of a big piece of meat between a couple of yummy buns. But I think it could be greatly improved with the right condiments.
I only know this because I have been introduced to the wonders of condiments over the years. In my first marriage, my wife didn’t like condiments at all. It was just some meat between a bun. As I look back, I don’t think she really liked burgers to begin with. We had burgers mind you, but maybe only a couple times a month.
I later came to discover that some women really like to enjoy a good burger more frequently, some, even once a day. I was shocked when I found this out, because I had gotten used to a diet where burgers were a rarity, and always condiment-less.
Which brings me to the subject of the condiments themselves. Everyone has their preferences. Some really like to lay on the condiments, going whole hog. Others like to go on the light side, eschewing some of the bolder choices and going with the classics instead.
Me, I am game for nearly anything. I have tried all sorts of condiments, some on the side, some on top, others on the bottom. I didn’t like them all, but I’m pretty open when it comes to enjoying my cheeseburgers. Yes, cheeseburgers. I have never liked them plain. Even if the rest of the experience is void of condiments, I am least going to have some damned cheese.
As for cheese, man, I’ve had some really good cheeses in the past. I am still partial to American, but I’ve also enjoyed some wonderful French, German, Italian and Swiss cheeses in my time. Let’s face it, all cheese is good, except cottage cheese.
But why stop there? Condiments are meant to be explored. That’s why there are so many choices out on the market these days. An entire industry has sprung up just so that we can have lots of condiments to choose from, from the relatively pedestrian to the extremely exotic.
Now, I respect that some people don’t like excess. For instance, many men and women don’t like ketchup with their burgers. I can understand that, especially during certain times of the month when the order gets mixed up and you get ketchup whether you ordered it or not.
Nearly everyone, however, likes mayo. Ideally, there should be just enough mayo so it remains between the buns. I have had it unexpectedly drip down the sides before, and let me tell you, it’s never fun having to do a load of laundry right after you had a burger.
Then there are the veggies. I don’t really like too many vegetables on my burger these days. At my age, the tomatoes are pretty much seedless, which makes for a more pleasurable dining experience. I remember the days when the tomatoes I had had seeds in them. This was not always a good thing, because at least twice I found out that these tomatoes can be very costly.
We can’t really talk about burgers without covering the buns. While technically not a condiment, they are an essential part of the burger. Without them, it would be all meat, hardly fulfilling. But what type of buns? I have tried several out, and I can safely say that the basic white buns work best for me. They shouldn’t be too fresh or too hard. Stale buns are not even worth your while, let me tell you that. For three years I was really into white-wheat buns and had a King’s Hawaiian Roll a time or two, but I always come back to white for some reason. Right now, I’ve settled on a nice Italian Roll, always a good choice.
I don’t think I will venture out too much further into the realm of condiments and extras. I knew a girl once who had a thing for double burgers on occasion. For me, that’s just too much meat sandwiched between two buns. I think I will just stick with a single these days. With lots of condiments.
Out on the Treasure Coast, wishing I had a burger right now – well done as always, of course,
– Robb