Throughout the workday, Facebook hums along in the background. It’s my virtual water cooler, where all my friends gather to discuss… well, sometimes nothing much at all.
More often than not, they post little pieces of art that have some supposedly deep thought on it, including some with Jesus speaking what could be perceived as nonsense.
That got me to thinking, would Jesus really use Facebook?
I suppose he would, as it would save him a lot of walking among the throngs. He could just post what he was up to now and then and all his followers could Friend him and tune in to the Messiah’s daily toils.
Given the global nature of civilization today, I don’t think Jesus could get his message out any other way. Sure, he could send out a press release, but really, who’s going to believe that a press release printed on “From the Desk of the Son of God” letterhead is really legitimate. Even people in the news room at Trinity Broadcasting would round file it.
At least on Facebook, Jesus can just be Himself and not justify his existence or legitimacy. He could create his account and within moments, start Friending people. And who isn’t going to accept a Friend Request from Jesus?
As for content, I would love to see His Timeline. Wow!
Born: 4 B.C. (although technically, it was just 4 in his day and age)
Birthplace: Manger in Bethlehem.
If only they had hotels.com back then that might have been a very different story. But I digress.
There would be photos of Jesus with his flock in the “Sheparding Years” album. Others would show Him out with His friends. I can even envision two photos from this album – one with His friends making frowny faces because all the sacramental wine and loaves of bread are gone, then a second, taken moments later, with mounds of bread and jugs of wine with his guy pals high-fiving Jesus for it.
Jesus, of course, would become a regular poster and we could follow His every thought.
“Turned water into wine today. Kind of cool. Didn’t know I could do that!”
“Made a blind man see, a dumb man speak.”
“Heading to the tavern tonight to meet up with my homies, Paul, Mark, John and others for supper. Judas bagged out. Said he had a conflict.”
Jesus would start out this way, but then He, like the rest of us, would start to founder.
Eventually I suppose, Jesus might get a little lazy, not wanting to share every little tidbit with us. He’d stop posting insightful statuses like: “For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him. BTW, dad’s talking about me.”
Instead, He’d just post a photo of Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka with the words, “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you.”
I know, I know. It really loses its meaning. And yet, that’s what happens on Facebook. People start out all excited, sharing their trials, tribulations and innermost thoughts, only to end up posting banalities about bacon and insipid photos of cats trying to do a pull up.
I can’t speak for Him, but I’m pretty sure Jesus would never stoop to kitty pictures. Sheep maybe, but kittens? Never.
I really hope Jesus doesn’t end up Foursquaring at the same time. I would hate to see him posting that He was now, “Mayor of Little Caesars.” Really, I think that’s beneath all of us, but the son of God in particular.
I would love to track His progress on the Timeline Map. One moment He’s checking in in Galilee, two minutes later He’s down by the sea feeding a party of 5,000 with just five loaves of bread and two fish.
“Feed everyone with just five loaves and two fish? It’s a miracle I pulled that off,” He would post.
Some of it I guess would be more mundane, at least to Him.
“Missed the boat again across the Sea of Galilee. Had to walk back but took a shortcut ;).”
I think Facebook would have to rethink their policy of limiting Friends to just 5,000. I have a feeling Jesus is going to go over that limit pretty fast. I suppose they’d want to do that by making his page a Celebrity Page, but I don’t think He’d be big on the idea of lopping Him in with the likes of Angelina Jolie or Tom Hanks. Seems like a step down for a Savior.
I guess the whole Friending thing would become problematic in the end anyway.
One day, Jesus would post something like:
“Father called. Wants me to come home again.”
“Broke up with Mary today. Moving back home.”
Then, mysteriously people would notice that they were Unfriended by Jesus. Unfriended by the tens of thousands. Then the millions. In the end, only a chosen few remain Jesus’s Friend on Facebook.
Figuring that the whole descending from the heavens with angels singing on high was cost prohibitive in a down cycle economy, God would opt instead to use Facebook to do the heavy lifting of the Rapture, having Jesus Unfriend instead.
This worries me some. I myself have accidentally raptured a person or two on my Friends list before. It’s really embarrassing to have to re-Friend them, so I just choose not to. So if Jesus Unfriends me at some point in the future on Facebook, I will just assume that He’s just as embarrassed as I am. I know He wouldn’t want me to take a thing like that personally… feeling a bit judged and all.
Out on the Treasured Coast, waiting for my Friend request to come in,
– Robb