Although I don’t own a DeLorean, I took a heck up a great trip back to the future last night. And no, no drugs or alcohol were involved.
Instead, I watched some old VHS tapes. The first was of my band, performing at Folklife in Seattle in 1987. Darn we were pretty good. And I’m amazed at how we were getting paid $400 a performance back then when my performer friend in Florida here gets that for a four hour gig today for his band.
I put in the next tape. It was old Seafair parades from 1987 and 1989. Can’t believe we got to fire cannons and shot guns in the middle of downtown Seattle. Fun. Next on it was my daughter’s talent show (I so have to put that on You Tube), followed by my trip with Psycho to San Francisco.
I saw the first glimmer of the future in that tape. Unknown to me, Psycho was filming as I was standing by the sliding glass door at her house in San Mateo. I was singing Come Monday. I still do that today, 20 years later. I often stand near the slider at Jan’s house or my own and sing the songs I know. Pretty cool that nothing had really changed for me in all those years. Though my life has been in periodic upheaval for two decades, there were threads of consistency.
But the real trip came in the next segment on that same tape. It was my going away party at my old apartment in Bellevue. I had cooked up my usual crazy theme – this one had a Gospel Mission/homeless theme to it. It was BYOB (Bring Your Own Bread) and I supplied the soup in the Soup Kitchen. All drinks were served in a paper bag. There were even signs to the Mission in the apartment building’s elevator. I never miss a detail.
AG and I had parted ways so I decided to move to California to be with Psycho. All my friends were there. It was so much fun to see how many people loved me, and how many of them are still my friends today, 26 years later. I am so lucky.
I was indeed in fine form. I was laughing, enjoying the company of my friends, making up hilarious things, singing, making my usual asides about the uses of Hot Fudge and Maraschino Cherries… just having the best time. And that’s when I took my actual trip Back to the Future.
I can thank Jan for that. She’s known me for two years now and we’ve been dating for about three months. She had been watching the videos with me for three hours. She looked at me and said, “Hey you look as happy there as you do right now. I never knew you were like that before we dated. You sure weren’t that way when I met you two years ago.
And then it hit me. I had gone all this way in my life just to become the guy I was 20 years ago. Sure, I’ve aged, I’ve learned, I’ve gained a little wisdom along the way. And I’m humble enough to have found that I know less than I thought I did then.
But without even noticing, I had managed to go back to being me again. I was that guy in the video 20 years ago. Care free. Jovial. Loving life. Cherishing my friends. Enjoying the moment. Even though I had no job, was moving to a place I had never lived, with a girl I had known for six months with a totally unknown future, I was in this amazing state of mind. Wow!
And now I’m back. Happier than I’ve been in nearly two decades. And I have the video proof to compare it to, so I know it’s not my imagination.
Sometimes we go so far in our life trying to find happiness that we forget what it looks like. I’m lucky to have found it again. The video confirmed it for me. I haven’t changed as much as I thought. I simply went back to what I always was and loved being. How cool is that?
Thanks to everyone who stuck by me all through those odd years in between. I won’t be going back to those days. I think I’ll happily remain just me, that guy in the videos.
‘Til again,
— Robb