You may not know it, but Washington State is at the leading edge of making biofuels. These fuels no longer hinge on the fact that dinosaurs long ago died, melted and turned into the fuel we nozzle into our cars every couple days at $3 to $4 a gallon.
Instead, they rely on a seemingly inexhaustible supply of organic materials to make the fuel. It can be corn, organisms and even sugar. Pretty amazing in concept, but I’m not so sure it holds water when it comes to using it en masse.
This suddenly dawned on me a few days ago when a Brazilian airline reported that it was turning sugar into biofuel. This is not a good thing at all. Sugarcane-based jet fuel – something that 30 different airlines are trying right now – could be an unmitigated disaster for the entire world.
As you know, rum is also made from sugar cane. I can just see it now. All these planes winging their way around the globe, sucking up tons of high proof rum that we could all be enjoying in our beverages. And to think they used to keep the rum inside the plane.
This is the problem with biofuels. They always seem to be using something we love. Case in point – Ethanol. Now there was a great idea. Create a fuel that uses corn. But it’s not like we have enough corn to go around. If we did, then perhaps we should be feeding hungry Americans, the millions who go hungry each night in our own country. They could enjoy all you can eat corn bread, corn pone, corn on the cob. corn dogs, creamed corn, the list goes on. And if we have enough corn for that, let’s feed some people in other countries. Still have corn? Then we should be making more damned whiskey.
I’m really not sure who thought this idea up in the first place. I can only imagine it’s some teetotaling scientist who doesn’t seem to understand the true importance of corn and sugar cane. All they care about is leeching us off our addiction to oil.
Well, Mr. Scientist, I got news for you. You can’t drink oil!! It’s useless to me. I can’t put it in a blender and make a daiquiri. I can’t pour it over the rocks and have a shot at quitting time. And I certainly can’t bake with it. Ever try an oil cake?
But sugar cane? Wow, what an invention that was. Thankfully, they got rid of all that plantation and slave nonsense for growing and harvesting sugar cane. I admit that I couldn’t stomach any rum if it was still made that way.
Not that I really know how it is even made. I know there used to be some raw sugar cane in the yard next to mine in Florida. Some old Belizian guy would bring it to us now and then and my ex-whatever would put forth a lot of labor just to squeeze out a little fresh sugar cane juice. If she had worked a little harder and made it into rum, perhaps we’d still be married.
Frankly, it’s a lot easier to just stop at the liquor store. Awaiting me there is not just one, but dozens of bottles of liquorious delights. I don’t even have to step into the corn section to find a nice toddy for the body. I can stay in the sugar cane section.
Hey, wait! This is sounding a lot like a produce department. There’s corn products, sugar products, over on the other side are some grape products and others are made from plants in Mexico. What a cornucopia of wonderful goodies provided by the wonders of nature.
I admit that I have never been produce oriented. I don’t have an affinity for unprocessed fruits and vegetables. But it seems I do for the liquid form. While I know that I could never convince the dietitian in my life that a couple shots of whiskey somehow satisfied the 6 to 8 servings required on the old food pyramid, it’s heartening to know that at least some produce extract finds its way into my body.
At least I’m not wasting a bunch of sugar cane on aviation fuel. I’m just not sure that’s what God intended here and I fear it will be the downfall of civilization as we know it eventually.
Here’s why. Let’s say this whole biofuels thing gets going. Right now, it’s pretty expensive, about $11 a gallon, a little less than what you’d pay for some Captain Morgans. But if they get really good at this and mass produce it, it can bring the cost way down, something some experts believe will be on a par with gasoline.
Now,you’d think that this would also drive down the price of rum. But no, of course not. Sugar cane farmers will want to sell only to the biofuel companies. Sugar cane prices will skyrocket. The trading of futures will be chaotic. There will be sugar cane shortages.
Eventually, you’ll find dealers in the shadowy alleys of your town, selling small packets of C&H. You’ll do anything to score a little sweetness. Bills are exchanged, you get your hit. You need more and more. The shortage gets worse. Rum is $150 a bottle for Monarch. Planes and cars are scarfing up all the sugar. Your connection on the street corner is now cutting your stash with SweetN’ Low. Faced with a worldwide shortage, you turn to growing beets hydroponically in your garage. Yeah, sugar beets. Someone in the ‘hood rats on you. The coppers raid the joint, seize the beets, beat you and send you off to prison for a hard 20.
As they fly you off to San Quentin, you curse the world around you as you come to realize that the plane you’re on is loaded to the gills with primo sugar-based biofuels. Rum by gum. But none for you!
In the Emerald City, feeling a bit rummy today,
– Robb