If all goes according to plan, Washington State will lead the nation tomorrow in legalizing marijuana.
Sure, some states already have legalized medical use of pot. We have that, too. But taking the federal government on and giving them a Washington State shaped raspberry is pretty visionary stuff, one that will not only bring thousands of pot smoking hippies to the state, but open the floodgates to innovation and invention as well.
Assuming the feds don’t come down on us like stogie parental types who admonish us for having a little herb in our state sock drawer, there is plenty of opportunity for all of us to live the high life.
First, the agriculture crowd. I suppose you could still grow some corn or potatoes in your fields, but really, why bother? You can’t get a craving in the middle of afternoon to get a little high and go out and light up a Russet or an ear of corn. But if you have some bud out in the sough 40 that’s ripe, you can have some great times. Forget about the six pack of PBR, you have fields and fields of giggle weed out there.
As a farmer, it would be your pleasure, and even your state-mandated responsibility, to ensure the quality and purity of the crops you are growing. All you need is a little quality control kit, i.e., a pipe and a lighter, and perhaps the sexpot farm girl next door who loves to 420 with any guy who has a ready supply.
I think the legalization of pot could make it hip again to be a farmer. I have friends who would readily take their life savings and plow it all into a field in Eastern Washington, becoming a licensed and legal seller of bale.
Yes, you have to have a license to grow the stuff. You can’t be a hobbyist. No growing weed in your own back 5 (feet). You have to be legal and right with the state in order to grow pot.
The beauty of all this is that it really creates an entirely new cash crop for Washington. Right now, it all happens in the back alleys as suppliers and dealers import pot from Mexico. We all know this stuff is tough to regulate. And it’s not always really that pure. The state wants to fix all that, regulating the industry, taxing the hell out of it, and still undercutting your friendly neighborhood dealer standing over there on the street corner.
If you don’t have a green thumb, fear not. There’s still plenty of room for enterprising entrepreneurs who want to grow their own business instead of weed.
Me? I’ve already designed a prototype of a new product for your car. You all know those cute little evergreen trees that double as air fresheners. Well, I’ve crafted one out of pot. Believe me, I had to go through a lot of designs and do a lot of testing before I finally found one that I was pretty high on.
Now every time you get in your car, you can be reminded that Washington State really is the Ever-green State. And when your car breaks down on I-5, no worries, mon. Just roll up all the windows tight, light up the tree and wait for the wrecker to show up. It’s all good.
I have heard that there are still some problems with the new law. They’re not exactly sure how to test drivers pulled over on a DUI but weren’t drinking. While I’m not sure of the science required to detect what is and what isn’t a legal high, I have a product in mind that will have potheads totally excited about taking the test. After they walk the line and touch their nose, they can stroll over to the copmobile and there, waiting for them, is a trunk-sized hookah. It may take a while to get them to exhale into it instead of inhale, but they won’t exactly care how they take the hit – it’s a freakin’ big hookah. If the police need something more mobile, I imagine we could get all that technology into a pipe. Who doesn’t want to take a hit from a pipe, courtesy of your local constabulary.
As you can see, there are all sorts of exciting new products just waiting to hit the market come this Wednesday.
There’s also a lot of marketing to do. After all, it may take some time to wean people away from the generic brands their dealer has been selling. Let’s face it, “Washington Weed” doesn’t really have much sashay.
I think we should bring in all the wine and beer marketing experts into the mix here. They could probably come up with some great ideas, such as creating appellations for the growing industry. Well, I guess they would be weedallations instead.
That way we can endlessly argue about what’s better, the Benton Bambalacha or the Lummi Loco 2012. Before we know it, we’ll have special blends, premium weed that’s packaged to sell to the premium market and even some seasonal blends, such as Santa’s Secret Stash come December. Even political parties could get into the act. Forget campaign buttons. How about a spliff imprinted with “Take a Hit on Mitt.” The guy would walk away in a landslide, especially if you catch Mitt taking a hit himself as the Doobie Brothers took the stage at one of his rallies.
As you can see, making pot legal in Washington State could be an absolute boon to our economy. New tax money will come pouring into the state coffers, legislators will all get along better because of the quality of the smoke filling those deal-making back rooms, you won’t hate your mother-in-law as much because you can just light up in the car before you knock on the door and it won’t be half as bad walking out a public building as the wafting cloud smoke from all the smokers will have an uplifting feeling to it. And you didn’t have to pay a dime for the second hand high.
Sure, Washington’s going to pot. But at least we admit it here.
In the Emerald City, working on my new Toke Washington logo to promote tourism,
– Robb