I am told I am a pretty smart guy. Some people who know me even say I am a very, very smart guy. It’s taken me years to even consider that this was a possibility. I have a hard time believing what most people say about me. I’m not really sure why. It’s not that I think they are lying to me and I am certainly gratified by their confidence in my smarts. I guess I just have a hard time believing that everyone isn’t just as smart as I am, that’s all.
In fact, I think there are people who are far smarter than I. I may outshine them in the creativity department, sure. I have a great imagination, a really good memory and as I’ve said here, connecting the dots to create something new is something of a lark to me. I don’t even have to do anything and my brain spits out stuff like a slot machine spits out quarters when you hit a jackpot.
Since I can’t get into anyone else’s body and see how their brain thinks, I guess it would only be natural for me to assume that everyone can do this. And yet, as I get older and dabble in the real world of work now, I have found that I have something of a gift.
But don’t worry. I have a fatal flaw that keeps me grounded. No, it’s not women in boots. That’s my kryptonite. There’s a big difference here. With boot babes I just grow weak in the knees. My fatal flaw will be the cause of my ultimate demise.
I know that someday, something very simple will do me in. It will either come on slowly or quite quickly, and rather than set off in a state of panic and dial 911 or see my doctor, I will simply become entranced by the experience of it all, marveling at the leg that has suddenly gone numb or the twitching of my face muscles.
This is why I still don’t think I am smarter than anyone else, by the way. While my IQ hovers around 164 or so, it doesn’t do me much good when I believe that I am invincible and that any symptom I could ever have will end up fascinating me to the point that I won’t seek simple medical intervention.
Yes, I have felt my heart flutter on more than one occasion, and not because I am in love. I have felt a pain in my chest. I have had a leg go numb or get a shooting pain down my arm. I have awoken in the middle of the night with horrible cramps in my muscles and on occasion, my body fills with so many raspberries that I could open up my own jam factory. My hair has fallen out at times in clumps, I have had huge dots dance in front of my eyes that then go blurry and I still have that horrible creak in my knee, like a door hinge that needs oiling.
And still, none of it concerns me. Not really sure why. I’m not really afraid of doctors, though I do have some contempt for them, largely because they like to keep me waiting, thinking their time is far more important than mine. And even with all their medical knowledge and know-how, they still expect me to describe all the things that are going on in my body, not only in the moment, but historically.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to call my mother to find out my health history. I simply don’t pay attention to it. I feel good, I think I’m running on eight cylinders most of the time, so why worry about it?
A month ago, I had this horrible sinus infection that eventually made its way into my lungs, causing some sort of infection. I was hocking up enough green stuff to mold by my own leprechaun, life sized.
Still no doctor. I even have insurance for a change. I have had it for about seven months now. My deductible is still right where it was – untouched. I’m not even quite sure where a clinic is around here that I could go to if I needed to. I don’t have a doctor. I haven’t had a doctor since 2004. I haven’t really needed one.
Oh sure, things go wrong. I’ve written about some of them here and my whole superhero invincibility thing that shields me from harm.
But I know this is perhaps part of my fatal flaw. Something out there will eventually get me. Something as stupid as a cold that morphs into pneumonia that eventually shuts my system down.
Maybe we all have a fatal flaw in our life. The place where we have blinders on, refusing to see the possibilities of what can happen down the road if we don’t step up to the plate right now and do something about it.
I know the Janmeister isn’t thrilled with the fact that I know my fatal flaw. For some reason she wants to keep me around for a long time and I’m pretty sure it’s not so she can make rent. She knows better than to harp on me about it. She knows that I won’t listen. Never have, never will.
Again, not really sure why. After all, I finally figured out that I really am a smart guy. I just happen to be dumb as a rock about that darned fatal flaw. Man, why couldn’t my flaw be something like being a sex maniac or a heartless corporate stooge that destroys the lives of the middle class and makes enough money to buy his own island in the tropics.
I had to get the fatal flaw of health blindness. Well, with any luck, it won’t be fatal and will continue to be just a flaw. I’m sure a close call will cause me to finally get my act together. Then again, maybe not.
In the Emerald City, wondering if the chest pain is a heart problem or the pancakes I had for breakfast,
– Robb