I am not a very participative person. We all know I’ve never done the Hokey Pokey and have done the Electric Slide only once so that I could do the Horizontal Mambo at a later time.
It only recently dawned on me that this is very self-limiting and really accomplishes nothing in my life, save for odd bragging rights that I somehow managed to avoid doing something that other people seem to enjoy. At times, this strange mindset of mine has worked well. After 55 years on this planet I am proud to say that I have never tried smoking (even once), illegal drugs or hookers, and have never had a sexual disease, even during my very brief slut period way back in my 20s.
This change in mindset has led me in recent weeks to try many new things with more things on the horizon. Suddenly the door to adventures untold has opened for me and I am actually stepping through it. Well, maybe not fully, but the toe dipping has been rewarding so far.
I could go on and on as to the whys and wherefores of this new openness. But I don’t think anyone would believe me if I told them the truth. And quite frankly, it doesn’t really matter as at my age as I don’t have to worry so much about what people think of me. I’m pretty good with who I am and how I conduct myself in this world, thank you!
Well, for the most part. While the vast majority of my life has been extremely enjoyable and full of amazing adventures, there is one big area that has and continues to need shoring up.
I didn’t even realize it until I went way out of my comfort zone a few evenings ago. I was invited to attend a session with a dear friend, the culmination of three days of work for her in which major transformations in her life were taking place. You could think of this Tuesday evening as a graduation of sorts.
I admit that while honored, I had a lot of trepidation. I don’t Hokey Pokey after all. I eschew things like this, as they are largely uncomfortable for me. New people and an unfamiliar situation can really set off some major anxiety in me.
But for some reason, I had no trepidation. I think it’s probably because my friend was a familiar face around these parts; I was in the company of something of a rock star among these people and I was, by association, also welcomed with open arms.
Now, you’d think three hours and 15 minutes would seem like a lifetime to sit in one place and listen to someone speak about how to transform your life. I have done a lot of self-work in this regard over the years, so I was more than a little familiar with the themes being covered. The vernacular was a bit different, but still it was familiar territory.
One thing and one thing alone hit me right between the eyes in the middle of the presentation. A slide came up on the monitor that said: “What do you want to create?”
My eyes welled with tears almost instantly. In that single moment, I realized that I am regarded by many as one of the most creative individuals they have ever known. From my stories and art to music and one-liners, creativity flows from me like water. It’s mostly effortless for me.
As I pondered the question initially, nothing came to mind. And then BAM!!!! – it hit like a ton of bricks. The one thing that I have never created in my life are amazing relationships. I have had lots of relationships, mind you, with lots of people – significant others, friends, co-workers. But none of them ever turned out amazing.
Suddenly, it occurred to me that while I’m so creative in other areas, I have never put that same effort into creating amazing, extraordinary relationships with those I’m closest to, including a wife, girlfriend or my own children. Sure, they were rewarding enough at times, but never one of those relationships that were so satisfying that they filled your soul with joy, peace, harmony and contentment.
In that moment, sitting in that room of people, I had an epiphany about what I wanted to create. I wanted to create a true masterpiece in my life. Not a book, or new L’egg art. I wanted to create an amazing, lasting relationship with the people I love most.
Crap, even as I write this I am on the verge of tears. It was so powerful to realize that I had the power and potential to do this, yet until now, I was trying to do it all alone, rather than tap someone else’s toolbox.
It was akin to trying to paint without the right oils, brushes or technique. My previous efforts were random and abstract. Thanks to my friend, I was able to see that I too could acquire the right tools to finally achieve what I’ve always wanted – my happily ever after – amazing relationships with those I loved most.
Where did this all lead? I did a very un-Robb like thing. I ponied up some bucks and signed up for my own three-days of transformation. Where pitchmen have failed time and time again to get me to do something like this, the true changes in my friend’s life convinced me that it was time to fix the one thing in my life that has eluded me – extraordinary relationships.
I have no idea where this is all going. Today I’m an emotional roller coaster as I consider the journey ahead. I am open to substantial changes in my life – lord knows, what I’ve been doing up until now hasn’t exactly been working and I have finally been able to man up and admit it.
I know not where this all leads, but I have taken the first step in the journey. And believe me, it is a big step!
In the Emerald City, all mushy and gushy today,
– Robb