I had another great time performing with my band this past weekend. As usual, we all ended up sitting back after the work was done and jammed a bit. Animal and I were doing our usual let’s sing everything we know and don’t know, accompanied by a spoons player, a banjo playing professor, Angelina on fiddle, another fiddle player and Reuben “Lounge Lizard” Morgan on guitar.
I asked Reuben to play his favorite song – the one that all musicians have – the first song they would ever sing if they could pick just one to do.
He launched into his Lounge Lizard theme song, which he wrote. And then it hit me: we should all have a theme song.
If could come in so handy. Imagine if everyone had a theme song when they were dating. You could simply launch into it – sing it yourself a capella, do it karaoke style or even have a professional recording of it. The theme song captures you, uniquely. And it says virtually everything about you.
I think this would be a real game changer. If you met a guy who came on really strong, you could know if he was just a “player” by the theme song. It would be all about how little he thought of women and how you were just the next notch on the pearlized handles of his gun-of-luv. You wouldn’t even have to sit through drinks. You could just dump him right there on the spot because the song sucked and so would he.
I know that my ex-whatevers all have theme songs. Unfortunately, they weren’t playing them at the time I met them, so they had to be given out in abstentia after the fact. But I think they really capture the essence of who they were and how the relationship played out. These range from sweet sentimentalities such as “Pretty Woman” and “The Search is Over” to Dylan’s “Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright” and the “Ms. Gulch Theme” from Wizard of Oz (you know, the one where she had Toto in the basket and was riding away on the bike).
Now, I’m not going to say which song goes with whom. The intent here was simply to note that some people have theme songs, from the Lounge Lizard to a few of my ex-whatevers.
It’s all Trisha Yearwood’s fault that this whole idea came up in the first place with me. Her “The Song Remembers When” crystalized the idea of a theme song for certain times in your life. A song that when you hear it, it puts you back in the moment. We all have them.
The logical progression of this is to have our own theme song. Think of it as being like Gilligan…
Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, A tale of a fateful trip
That started from this tropic port, Aboard this tiny ship.
The mate was a mighty sailing man, The skipper brave and sure.
Five passengers set sail that day . For a three hour tour, a three hour tour.
Tells the whole story of Gilligan and how he got to be on a desert island in a few unforgettable lines.
For me, the problem isn’t that I should have a theme song, but how to capture me in a single song that would last less than three minutes (the old 45 record rule). Jimmy Buffett already did “A Pirate Looks at 40” which came pretty darned close as a theme song for me. Of course, so did “Growing Older But Not Up” and a “School Boy’s Heart” which includes this passage:
Cause I got a school boy heart, a novelist eye
Stout sailor’s legs and a license to fly
I got a bartender’s ear and beachcomber’s style
Piratical nerve and a Vaudevillian style.
Close, so close, but I don’t have a pilot’s license. A pirate’s license yes. Pilot license, no. So the search continues.
I don’t even think we need to have an all original theme song. The TV show Glee has shown that mash-ups are entirely appropriate in the music world, so perhaps each of us could just pull the lines out of a couple of existing songs that 1) describe us and/or 2) mean something to us, and put them together into one song.
After all, everyone of us is something of a mash-up. We are a mix of everything that has happened to us, everything we believe, everything we are and everything we hope to still become.
This leaves me in something of a quandary. I have written several songs in my life. But none of them are serious. I have tried many times to write songs about heartache or heart break. Every time I do, a punchline slips in somehow.
Case in point… the last theme song I tried to write. The chorus went like this:
I was drunk on your love, till I sobered up,
And that got me thinking,
If I had stop drinking —
Long ago I’d been better off.
See, even a soul wrenching moment where my heart was seemingly broken in half still has a punchline.
And maybe that’s the direction my particular theme song needs to go. I always seem to find the lighter side of things, even then they are at their worst. I still believe in “happy ever after” even after many false starts and I still think every day is special, even the darkest ones. True, they don’t seem very fun at the moment, and I’ve certainly had my share, but after they pass they certainly make for some interesting stories.
As you can imagine, the search for my perfect theme song continues. I’ll know it when I find it because it will capture the very essence of who I am. It will have one of those melodies that you simply can’t get out of your head, and it will tell the whole story in lilting lyrics that capture your imagination and my life at the same time. Oh, and it will be danceable but still make it on Dr. Demento.
Boy, that’s a tall order. So, what’s your theme song?
Out on the Treasure Coast putting rhymes to the times,
— Robb