Four Little Pirates.

Posted by admin on April 13, 2015 in Pirate Adventures |

Given recent events in the pirate world, I thought I would share this little parable. It’s about four little pirates – one, a complete bully, the second, a former friend of the bully, the third, a cousin, and a fourth, a pirate who desperately wanted to be like the bully, but didn’t have it in him.

When they were all younger, the pirates got along fine. As with all little pirates, there came times when they would battle one another in a long game of King of the Hill. The bully was sure he was the King, the Pirate King of the Northwest, to be exact. And for a time, he was surely that, for no one would challenge him in the seafaring game and he was left to play it alone, continually claiming his crown for 32 years.

Then one day, his cousin had a falling out with him. He no longer idolized the pirate who was the King of the Hill. Instead, he was sure he could best him in his own game. So he challenged the bully to play King of the Hill.

They went head to head, fighting for the crown. It was an awesome battle, and no one was sure who would emerge victorious, as the bully had never been challenged before. But the cousin, who had lived with the bully for a time, was a wily, crafty soul, and he beat the pirate at his own game.

That really pissed off the bully pirate. He really wanted to sock his cousin. But what no one knew was that his hit was that of a pussy, a real girly-girl. Not wanting anyone to know this, he took his cousin to court instead and tried to convince the judge that he was the only one who could play pirate in the town, in fact, in the entire world.

The judge laughed when he heard such an outlandish tale. “You, the only pirate in town?” the judge said in a very mocking tone. “That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Look around you, you bully, there are pirates everywhere.”

From this point on, the bully became even more dour, filled with anger and rage that he could no longer be the only pirate in town. It’s been said that he was so angry at the world that he would rob other children of their hard earned money, money they had planned to give to charity.

This made the buylly’s friend mad. He couldn’t believe that the bully would take money that was meant for charity, so he ended his friendship and decided to go off and be a pirate all by himself.

That went well for a time. The bully found a new friend, someone who wanted to be just like him. They even did things together, albeit separately, in a weird sort of way. The new friend would try to be just like the bully, but didn’t have the money to have the beautiful pirate bike with the splashy cannon and crow’s nest. Instead, he could only afford second hand clothes and a used bike. He so wanted to have the bully pirate like him so they could be the best of friends whenever they saw each other.

The bully, for his part, was quite clever in this. He pretended to like his new friend, as long as he behaved himself and knew his place. Every time he did something wrong, like visiting with another one of his former friends, the bully let the friend know that this was frowned upon and that if he continued, they could be friends no more.

Wanting desperately to be liked, the bully’s new friend apologized profusely and said it wouldn’t happen again.

Then one day, the former friend of the bully, the cousin and the new friend all got invited to a big party held downtown in the big city. They were so excited to get to play together that they forgot all about the bully.

The bully, however, was red with anger, for he had not only not been invited to the party, but was sent an un-invitation instead, telling him he was not welcomed because he was too loud and obnoxious.

The bully seethed as the others gathered together to have a grand time. They played pirate up and down the streets of Seattle, ushering in a day of cultural celebration shared by others in the city.

By now, the bully was green with envy. He couldn’t believe that the others went to the party in his place. Worse, when people asked where the bully was, the others made fun of the fact that he was not only not invited, but specifically uninvited.

And that was the end of the story. At least until the bully decided to act out as bullies tend to do. He got out a piece of paper and wrote a very nasty letter to his former friend saying that he was going to seek justice because he was not invited to the party and that the former friend went anyway, seemingly in his stead.

Before placing the letter in the envelope, the bully decided to make his point crystal clear. He took out the blackest crayon he could find and drew a big border around his harsh, accusatory words, and then mailed it to his friend.

The friend and the cousin had a grand laugh about it all for the cousin had received one too, many years ago. As a result, the cousin and the bully stopped playing together, and soon others came to realize that the bully was only popular because he was a bully, not because he was a good person or appreciated in the community.

And the bully? Well, he continues to be angry and beat his chest, crying out that he was wronged, all the while never looking inside his cold, hateful heart to find out why no one liked him in the playing pirate world, destined to live out his life alone and miserable.

In the Emerald City, playing pirate with the former friend and the new friend while the bully seethes,



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