I’m a pretty happy guy these days. I don’t post this a lot on any social media, largely because such posts would have caused me to go ballistic back in the day when I wasn’t happy and I would have lambasted anyone who boasted they were.
While I would like to say it’s because I met Kat and that life is all rosy because I’m in love, that’s not really the whole story. It is one piece of the puzzle, perhaps the final piece I needed. But happiness has been a long and hard road for me to travel and it was only through a lot of hard work that I finally found it.
It’s not like I just suddenly became happy. Flash back to my waning days in Floriduh. I was living on the beach in a condo that only cost $1,000 a month with sweeping views of the Atlantic and Indian River. I got paid really well to create stuff for companies all over the world and my commute was not even a couple of minutes, but rather, a couple of steps.
You’d think I should have been happy then, but I wasn’t. Looking back, I was never happy in Florida. But I’ve been through much of that here before, so why bore you with the details when you can do a quick search through these 600+ tomes and read all the juicy details of my screwed up time there.
And even though I am happy now, almost gleefully so, I can’t really tell you how it happened or when. Yes, coming back home definitely helped. I really missed the vibe in the Pacific Northwest, it’s such an amazing place to live and so unique. I know everyone says that about where they live, but since there is a record influx of new residents to Seattle – many from Florida – I don’t think it’s all hype or braggadocio.
I can’t say it’s my job. Yes, I have a cool job. I love it there. The pay isn’t as great as I would like it to be, but whose is, really? I know people pulling down a lot more money than I am and they still aren’t happy with what they are making.
Me? I make ends meet. I can afford a few goodies in life. I can pay my bills. But does that make me happy?
Nope. As I said, there doesn’t appear to be a singular thing that made me happy. It’s a combination of things, things I worked hard to create in my life, working through all the heartache and crap that comes with our existence here.
I don’t think anyone could have blamed me if I just cashed it all in and said to hell with it. I could have become caustic, dour, filled with regrets, hate the cards that were dealt me and live a miserable existence here, raining on everyone else’s parade to make sure than no one in my inner and outer circle are happy either.
Misery loves company, I hear. So much so that many people on my Facebook page had to go away. These harbingers of doom and gloom were raining on my parade and happy people just don’t want to hear a bunch of whining and complaining.
That’s not to say that happy people don’t want to hear their friend’s problems. Everyone has events happen in their life that outright suck and our friends – the in person and online kind – can offer a lot of support and even answers. I am there for everyone as they have been for me, using my own journey as the example of how screwed up life can get to show that there is always a way out, though it often requires tough decisions and hard choices.
Yes, finding true, meaningful love, really helps. I readily admit that. For the first time in my life I actually understand what love is and means. That’s a big discovery for anyone, but it’s especially big for me since I used to convince myself all the time that I was in love, had found my soulmate and blah, blah, blah.
Small wonder my friends would just smile every time I told them I was in love. I didn’t know what it was. I couldn’t even fathom the basics of it, let alone the complexities.
I am just beginning to learn all that now. I feel like a kid again, learning to walk. Only this time it’s learning to love in a non-codependent way. For the first time, I don’t need anyone to be there for me. I only want to be there for them.
It has also helped to learn to be in the moment. Man, that can really give you amazing sense of peace, though it’s darned hard to master. When you can be in the moment, it impacts every aspect of your existence. There’s no worry about the future; no fret about the past. There is just now, in all its beauty and wonder, and all its amazing possibilities.
Perhaps that’s truly the key to happiness. Be in the moment. If a moment sucks, let it pass and move on to the next moment, a moment that could be far better than you ever dreamed. Let the past live in the past and don’t worry too much of a future, because no one can guarantee there will be one. This moment, right now is all you got. Then the next, then the next. You’ve got to make the most of them.
It’s a good place to be. But don’t think for a moment that I didn’t work really hard to get there. I had to undergo a lot of work in the “body” shop to get where I am, a complete rebuild of the engine that drives me around and propels me forward. And I continue to have to do regular tune-ups to keep me purring with happiness, peace and love, a place that is so wonderful, so intoxicating, that you never want to return to those dark recesses of doom and gloom. I’ve been there, believe me. There’s a For Rent sign out in front of the place now. Priced to move.
In the Emerald City, counting all my many blessings,
– Robb