The punchline to the headline is something I have long said, “If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.”
We’ve run out, you know. While I could go on and on about the local and state level, I will instead focus on the three-ring circus known as the presidential elections. I have been voting since Gerald Ford and Jimmy Carter squared off in 1976. I voted for Ford and when Carter won, I told people that Nixon was still president if I were asked.
If you think that makes me a Republican, you’re wrong. I’m not a Democrat either. I’m smack dab in the middle, believing that all these guys are crooks, idiots or simply need to feed their insatiable egos by running for the nation’s biggest office.
Since this upcoming race is my 11th for president, I think I have some expertise in the area of presidential candidates and races.
So, what have I discovered so far? Well, we’re totally out of candidates. Every one of the candidates running is a moron at some level, some bigger morons than others, some coming very close to being real human beings.
I guess I was serious all these years about God not wanting me to vote.
I’m not going to waste your time by going through the hit list of candidates and what is wrong with them. I try to keep these RobZerrvations relatively brief, and I could kill thousands of words needlessly in the name of naming names and taking numbers where these Bozos are concerned.
Bozos. O.K., I will spend some time on one major bozo – The Don. Yes, Donald Trump. Proof positive that the Republicans have completely run out of viable candidates, they are letting Donald Trump run.
This is the guy, remember, whose corporations filed for bankruptcy four different times: 1991, 1992, 2004 and 2009. Let’s forget for a moment that the guy is a complete loon, a narcissist who is so delusional he continually misstates his net worth as being double that it really is. I guess once you get a couple billion, it’s easy to lose track.
It’s also easy to loose touch. Geez, you think Obama is out of touch? The Don probably doesn’t even know what real people make or what they pay for things. He hasn’t shopped in our real world for decades. He also hasn’t been in the real world for decades.
Let me explain. Politics is a different kind of game. It’s not that a business person can’t engage in it, but it can make them a bit of a whack. I had this experience myself in state government. A political appointee was a startup king. He created something like three or four major tech companies over the years. He was supposed to be transformational in state government.
He wasn’t. He was a complete failure, largely because he had no idea how to work within the framework of government. There are a lot of things we aren’t allowed to do, even more that are flat out illegal and if you cross the wrong line, you will have the Ethics Board knocking on your door. We’re not even allowed to have a state PayPal account or accept a free cup of coffee from a vendor.
Imagine the problems Trump would have as president. He’d be a total fish out of water. He wouldn’t understand the nuances of working with Congress or realizing that they don’t answer to him, and in fact, will work against him just out of spite.
This doesn’t happen in his world. He can hire and fire as he likes. No one says no to him. Senators will say no to him. Representatives will say no to him. Worse, foreign leaders will say no to him.
From what I can see from his romps on the bully pulpit to date, he calls everyone who disagrees with him a loser. So and so is a complete loser. And so is so and so. Can you imagine him having to negotiate with Putin? This guy can’t be bought. He can’t be pushed around. He’s a world leader. He’s not going to give Donald any ground because he doesn’t have to.
I can just see the Don going postal on Putin. He’ll go right for Putin’s jugular. The KGB and the Secret Service will have to pull him off of Putin as the Don continues to yell, “You’re fired, now get out of here, you loser.”
I didn’t like Carter. As I said, I disowned him for four years. All those fireside chats, the sweaters, everything. If Trump is elected, I am truly going ex-pat. I’m not going to live in a country that is so gullible that it would fall for this mega-imbecile.
Lest you think I’m in the Democratic camp, let me move over to Hillary for a moment. I like Hillary, but I’m not sure I could ever bring myself to vote for her. It’s not that I believe the whole email scandal is that big of a deal. Hell, if that is a crime then throw everyone out of government, right down to the clerk at the department of licensing. Everyone does it.
That said, I’m not sure Hillary would be a very good president. I know she has a bitch streak. I think she earned it when Bill was cheating on her. It was then that he put on his pants and became the man of the family. She’s become more manly every year since and I think that’s a large reason why Bill is always on the lecture circuit. I would be, too.
And don’t even get me started on Marco Rubio. What a paste eater. Rick Perry? Yeah, like I would vote for anyone who ran Texas. George Bailey? Wasn’t he in A Wonderful Life? Ted Cruz? Complete whack job. Jeb? Who’s going to be vice president, Jed Clampett? I’ve already had enough Bush to last a lifetime. Carly? Isn’t that Bruce Jenner under all that makeup?
See? I’m right. If God had wanted us to vote he would have given us candidates. Instead he’s given us, to quote Trump, “a bunch of losers.”
In the Emerald City, looking for a new country to call home,
– Robb