Like most people, I used to think I exercised a lot of control over my life. I could make the decisions that would guide me on the path toward riches and fame, a long lasting marriage, a rewarding career and a well earned reputation in the community.
Boy, was I wrong. I have long since discovered that control is a just illusion. It’s a compensator of sorts that keeps us alive when we’re young. Much like instinct, the sense of being in control lets us tackle things we would never do if we knew better. Unfortunately, we don’t know better until we’re much older. Only now am I beginning to see the folly of control and how it keeps us from seeing the world as it really is.
I liken the world to a Connect the Dots Game. The only problem is none of the dots have numbers, they often don’t appear until after you need them and only when you are taking your last breath do you get to see what the picture that is your life actually looks like.
This is all well and good, since we’re only supposed to make up the picture as we go, for truly, none of us really know why we we’re put on this earth or what our role actually is. We can only go through life attempting to do the best we can and hopefully, not mess up anyone else’s Connect the Dots picture along the way.
But that seems to be where things go awry. I confess that in my younger days I liked to dab a couple extra dots onto other’s pictures. I’m not sure they saw me put them there, but they would go right along in life, see a new dot and dutifully put a line between where they were at the moment and the dot I had slyly placed there moments before. And before they new it, new dots were appearing, sometimes almost daily.
I’m really sure I screwed up some pictures along the way. I did it out of a desire to control, not my own environment, mind you, but those of others around me. I guess we all do it when we’re young. It’s a control thing.
I know I’ve had it done to me. Far more than I care to admit. I must have had “sucker” plastered across my forehead because I have let more people place their own dots in my life than I can even count. At one point so many people were twisting me in the wind with their own dots that my life started to look like Picasso was in charge.
It wasn’t their fault, really. They were younger than I. While I had passed the stage of wanting to screw with people’s pictures, they were still dropping Dot Bombs across my landscape. And dutifully, I would draw a line to connect them every time.
I look back now and wonder what I was thinking. Perhaps I just wanted to see how the picture would come out. Not good, I can tell you that. I guess Dot Bombing is addictive and once you let someone start dictating to you how you should picture your own life, they can’t stop.
I speak from experience. I have fallen for it time and time again. Pretty soon I don’t know what is up or down or where the next right dot is. I see lots of dots, but I didn’t put them all there.
Inevitably, before my life goes full-on Picasso, I end up doing nothing, at least initially. I just shut down. I don’t pick any dots. I don’t draw any lines.
Over time, I finally figure it out that someone is playing the old control game on me again. Then I get out my giant eraser and start erasing parts of my life – the parts I didn’t create. Eventually, I get back on track again. Only my dots are left.
I can safely say that those days of being controlled are finally over. I wiped the “sucker” off my forehead and I don’t fall for the old “hey I go some nice dots for you” line anymore.
My dots. My lines. Although I do profess that I still use a pencil to connect them, just in case. Hey, can you blame me?
To all those who still let others decide what your life is supposed to be like, I wish you well. It’s truly rare to find someone who doesn’t want to create your life for you by adding a bunch of self-serving dots when you’re not looking. If you find him or her, latch on and hold on tight. In fact, hold on so tight to them that any dots they are hiding will just come popping out of their pockets. It’s the only way that you can create your life, just as it was meant to be.
Have fun with your Connect the Dots project. I can’t wait to see what it will turn out to be.
Out on the Treasure Coast, enjoying a box of nostalgic Dots (red’s my favorite),
– Robb