I was watching the NFL Draft over the weekend. Outside of the fact that it is ponderously boring to watch and every player drafted gets a #1 jersey with their name on it, I think it has some wonderful potential.
For a college player, it’s a dream come true. Even if you are the worst player drafted, make a team and sit on the bench for the rest of your life, you make $310,000 a year, starting salary. Imagine that. You could end up being a third string quarterback, never take a down in a game, warm the bench, drink all the Gatorade you want and pull down a cool $310,000 for it.
We should all be so lucky. This only occurred to me when my friend who was also watching asked if anyone ever turned down the team that drafted them. I said, “What? Why would you do that?”
And it can’t be a huge surprise because the guy walks out and gets a jersey with his name on it. I can see the team’s equipment manager in the back with a bunch of iron-on letters trying to keep up with the #1 jerseys. He prints one out. Damn! The team before them took the guy. Back to the ironing board.
Of course, I don’t really care about the NFL draft. But I do like it’s potential for all of us. I’m sure you’ve been through the job hunting drill before.
You go through rounds of interviews, then they extend an offer to you. It’s never as much as you’d like or even think you’re worth. But you really want that job, either because it’s such a great company to work for or you’re tired of eating Mac and Cheese right out of the box because your electricity had been already shut off.
You’ve even psyched yourself up for this moment. “I’ll only take $45,000, not a penny less.” You rehearse this over and over in your mind. The guy finally extends the offer you’ve been waiting for. “So we’d like to bring you on board with us. We’re prepared to offer you $38,000.”
Without thinking you say, “I’ll take it.” No one can blame you. Who wants to eat crunchy noodles sprinkled with dried cheese again?”
If we had the same system as the NFL none of us would have to worry about this. Employers who wanted to hire you would have to go through your agent. I think we all need an agent. It would change the whole dynamic because your agent isn’t eating Mac and Cheese. Not only that, he has a vested interest in getting you the big bucks because he gets a percentage. I know I would be willing to offer an agent 10% of my first year’s salary to negotiate on my behalf. If he’s good enough he could even come away with an assigned parking space for you.
Of course, I think the whole hiring process could benefit from an NFL style draft. Different companies would all have your resume and your career stats. One company may be worried that you’ll be snatched up by a competitor and make a trade to get a better draft position. Once selected you could triumphantly emerge from behind the screen, accept your corporate polo shirt and make a statement to the press.
You know how these go. Just listen to two or three speeches from the draft and you can easily make your statement:
“I’m excited to be part of COMPANY NAME. I know I can step in and contribute right away to the DEPARTMENT team. I’m glad they had the confidence in me to pick me early on and and I welcome the opportunity to contribute to such a great organization. Thank you.”
Not hard, is it? Unlike us, these guys aren’t exactly mental giants, at least the balance of them. If they can spew out three well rehearsed lines, you can, too! And if you can’t, your agent can.
Which brings me to the next point. Why do we need this in-person interview nonsense? It’s not like these guys have to interview. The scouts simply see them in action and write a scouting report that serves as the basis for the drafting decision.
Think how well that would work in the working world. A corporate scout sees your name written up in the trades, follows your career, sees you made Employee of the Month a couple times (think of it like Big Ten Player of the Week), and notices that you’ve upped your game with additional training. So he fast tracks you so that you get considered for a new post.
Suddenly, it doesn’t matter if you’re 56 and stuck in a wheelchair. Your performance is the thing that gets you an offer, not the color of your skin, your youthful good looks or that wonderful power tie you wore to the interview. If they have questions, they call you because they really don’t need to know what you look like, that you have premature graying hair, or that your right eye droops just a bit, especially when you’re nervous.
Man, I think the Employee Draft could revolutionize the whole employment world. They could even go so far as to have a third string guy ready to step in and start on a day you’re sick. He’d come off the bench in the break room and be able to step right in while you’re off in the Bahamas sunning.
Eventually, you go free agent and some other employer snaps you up, your agent stepping in again to up the ante. The possibilities are endless, really.
And when your career winds down, you know it. One day your teammate walks in and hears that you were traded overnight to Wal-Mart. They needed a starting Greeter. That’s when you know it’s really over.
Out on the Treasure Coast waiting for the phone call that will never come,
— Robb