As a guy who has been in the dating trenches several times in my life, I have always marveled at how women seem to gravitate towards the drop-dead hunky, testosterone laden man instead of the sensitive, less than a 10, girly guy with a good sense of humor they often say they really want.
Now, I understand the basic laws of attraction and it appears that they do this because on some primitive level, the hunky guy is the more desirable gene pool to take a dip in if you want to have children.
But it is with great joy that I see that a couple of studies recently have cast a dark shadow over women’s taste in men. And as a less than 10 girly guy, I am doing the happy dance here.
For those who haven’t seen the article on this, I will briefly recap. Basically, men who are the most masculine are more likely to be “cads than dads.” They are 43% more likely to divorce you, 31% more likely to leave you because of marital problems, and 38% more likely to cheat on you than a more average looking guy.
Now, some of you who don’t know me well might assume I think I fall into the “hotty” category, given my history of failed and questionable relationships. But I am definitely an average girly guy. Well, perhaps a bit above average as far as girly guys goe, but definitely below average in the hotty department.
But this isn’t about me. It’s about those who seek the hotties in the world, only to find total disappointment. I suppose the same could be said for men who only want a hotty as a girlfriend or wife but the study didn’t cover this.
Again, as we all know, I have a solid track record of not going after classic “hotties.” They are hot to me, but only because I look at women differently. I am attracted to eyes and lips, not butts and boobs. I love looking into a woman’s eyes because they truly are a window into the soul. I am a sucker for a woman who can keep up with me mentally and who has a zest for life like I do. Forget the looks. But their are bonus points if she has a closet filled with boots.
As anyone should know, a guy or gal with a great body and dreamy looks usually comes up short in another area, whether it’s brains, emotions, mental stability or, well, their pecker.
I call this the “Great Cheerleader Equalizer.” The great creator out there has a way of evening the score. When I was in high school the cheerleaders were the hotties. By the time I had gone to my 10th high school reunion, they had married the jocks, were on their third child, retained all that “water weight” from childbirth and looked miserable. Me, I was a late bloomer and was at my peak of profession, personality and confidence. The universe had evened the score.
I have always known that beauty is only skin deep and good looks fail over time. All we can really do is fail gracefully over the years and eventually all we are left with is our personality. I’ve always laughed to myself that people spend their entire lives working out in a gym, shaping their abs and pecks, and do nothing to shape their mind. Physical fitness is fine, but when you’re 80, your ‘abs’ are going to become ‘flabs’ no matter what you do and your brain is going to be the intellectual equivalent of applesauce. And you’ll be screwed.
Let’s go back to what women truly want in a guy. According to researchers, financially independent women, and I am quoting the article here, want “their partners to be hotties; they want them to be masculine, physically fit, loving, educated, a few years older and making the big bucks. Oh, and they also have to really want to be a hubby and daddy.” If possible they should come with white walls and a bitchin’ stereo, too.
Sorry, I had to add the last part. Couldn’t resist. For all the standard equipment and options these women say they want, the guy might as well have a sticker on his side with the final dealer price. Oh, and I almost forgot, you want all this and for him to be faithful.
Yeah, like that’s going to happen. That’s because there’s a general shortage of dreamboats out on the market. As such, other women will want your man. They will do anything they can to get him and being a mere mortal, he will have no choice at all but to be of, uhm, be of service.
There was one other part of the article that I found fascinating. It seems that whether our spouse is ugly or handsome or pretty, we will eventually get the itch. I’m sure you’ve all heard of the seven-year itch. But it’s not seven years, it’s four. Seems we get the four-year itch.
This appears to be culturally universal. The researcher studied divorce statistics in 62 countries since 1947. He found that divorces weren’t cultural. They were related to our inherited mating behavior.
Here’s the reasoning. Four years is about the time needed to get married, get pregnant, have a baby and raise it past toddlerhood. At that time, the relationship gets rocky and people split. It happens in all cultures across the board.
This happened to me. And I guess it happens all the time. Perhaps the reason we aren’t staying married as long as our parents was because we’re not popping out large families of 10 any more. Think about it. Grandpa and grandma make a baby, a couple years go by, grandpa gets itchy so grandma punches out another kid. Everything returns to normal until four years later, grandpa gets the itch again. Before you know it, grandma is a birthing wasteland and grandpa has enough kids to field his own baseball team with a relief pitcher in the dugout.
I have been blessed to know some really great women in my time. And I can safely say they are all hotties to me. Unfortunately, some wise guy keeps throwing itching powder on the relationship.
Out on the Treasure Coast, noticing that there’s a 10 gallon bottle of Benedryl lotion in the closet,
— Robb