RobZerrvations
Musings from a Meandering, Mischievous Mind
Floridashington.
I'm officially a Washington State guy again. I got my driver's license, and I still popped back up in the system so it took a grand total of about 10 minutes to get it. It was nip and tuck fo a moment or two, because the clerk at the DMV asked me if I had any mental health issues, which she thought was obvious because I had moved to Florida (I am not making this up). For those keeping score, my time in residence goes as follows: 45 years in Washington, eight in Florida, one month in...
When Worlds Collide
I often have a discussion about death. Not because it's a necessarily great topic or that it is something I necessarily look forward to, but it is one of the inevitable things about life and it's one of the few things that we can actually prepare for. I know lots of people who don't bother. Yesterday, I heard of a guy I knew who died of natural causes and was cremated. His friends don't know what to do with him. He didn't have any family that they know of. So he just continues to sit in his...
Honest, Abe.
I turned 54 a couple weeks ago. Not really what anyone would call a milestone birthday, like 18, 21, 30 or even 50. Still, it was a memorable day for me. Not because another birthday had rolled around. But because it seems that in some respects, the aging process has reversed a bit in the last two years. Now, I would like to say that it's all because I'm in the fresh marine air of Seattle and that coming home is revitalizing me. However, I think that would be something of a lie. I didn't even...
Unpopular Mechanics
I have never been, nor will I ever be a mechanical savant. I know my limitations, and while my brothers could build a working car out of some sawdust and two screws, I can barely follow the directions found in an IKEA box. It's not that I don't try. I really like to build stuff, but unfortunately, my inability to follow directions seems to affect all aspects of my life. I guess I should have recognized this early on. I really did have problems following the simplest directions in first grade....
Zombies, Schmobies.
I have decided recently that when I die, I am going to become a zombie. I want to do this so that I can eat the brains of anyone who is obsessed with zombies and a zombie apocalypse, all because some crazy bastard ate someone's face in Floriduh. First, I don't find this kind of thing very funny for lo and behold, this homeless guy probably has family who has to live with the horror of their loved one being attacked in such a manner. I'm sure it if happened to any one of us zombie lovers, we...
Shake, Rattle and Poo.
I have to admit that I have a secret love of a crisis. I seem to do best when all hell is breaking loose. Not in my freakish, often out of control personal life, mind you. As we know, I can conjure up all sorts of scenarios that justify the craziest things going on in my life to the point where they seem entirely normal, at least to me. My love of a good crisis goes back to my corporate days. I was the crisis communications manager. My responsibility would be to dream up all sorts of scenarios...
I Just Broke Up… And It’s Work.
Job hunting has been a part of the old housienda here for much of the past year, it seems. Either one of us or the other has been looking for a job. It's not something either of us has had to do much, largely because I was determined to hideout in my house for 18 years pretending to have a "real job" and because the Janmeister works in healthcare in a position that is in fairly high demand. Looking for a job feels just like dating. The parallels are so close, I can't help but see the...
That’s Some Darned Powerful Stuff!
I was reminded a week or so ago about the power of something I hold very dear to my heart. Actually, we should all hold these things dear to us, because they are extremely powerful and used correctly, can move mountains. Unfortunately, we often use them sloppily and incorrectly, and in some case, we cause a lot of unnecessary damage to ourselves and others. Yes, I am talking about words. As you know, I am in Seattle. I have taken a job with the State of Washington. I have returned to the days...
Coming Out Of A Love Coma.
I heard a song a couple of days ago that really cracked me up, if only because I could see myself in its words. That happens a lot to me. I guess it does to nearly everyone. But for me, the songs about the end of a relationship are particularly dear to me, largely because each one has a grain of truth to it. And truth be known, I have a song for each of my exes, be they a spouse or an extended dating scenario, especially those that drifted into cohabitation. Yes, to any of you exes out there,...
Keeping It All On Line.
Growing up in a family of all boys exposes you to a lot of macho pursuits. There was always something going on at the Zerr house, from slot car races to a real stock car that had a tendency to burst into flames unexpectedly whenever my brother took it for a test drive up and down the road. Add in some snakes, gallons of gas, magnifying glasses, unicycles and stilts and you had heaven on earth for any boy growing up in post-war America. Me, I had my own interests, ones I didn't really share...
Free the Food!
My pirate life took a couple interesting turns over the last few weeks. It started at a meeting at work. People there don't really know what I do in my off hours. Well, at least they didn't. I thought I would keep the whole thing under wraps for a while. But then we had a a management meeting and we all had to go around and introduce ourselves, letting others know what we did for fun. As they went down the line, I thought to myself, "do I or don't I?" Well, I did. When it came my turn, I...
I’m Not Your Janma, Little Boy!
As you know, my daughter is planning to punch out a kidlet soon. It will be the first grandchild. And while I have had some issues with being old enough to be a grandfather, I think it pales in comparison what someone else (who shall go nameless) is having with the idea. You see, the Janmeister (oops, guess I named her anyway) long ago decided that she desperately wanted to be a grandma. While the idea of grandparenthood was never on my horizon, the Janmeister hoped, and yes dreamed, that she...