RobZerrvations
Musings from a Meandering, Mischievous Mind
My Britches Are Too Big.
I have had an ongoing problem for as long as I can remember. No matter how old I am or how much weight I gain, my britches are always too big. Well, they're not to me. To me, they are just right. But it seems others think that I am too big for them. I don't know why. Yes, I was cursed with a pretty highly developed noggin. It can be lightning quick at times. As such, I often look like I'm not very interested when someone is talking to me. It's not necessarily that I am actually bored. I just...
Put Some Arr In That Bar.
I have always wanted to own a bar. I'm not sure it would necessarily be a good idea, given my love of bars. I could easily become one of those barfly type owners, sitting on the end of the bar, shoveling free drinks down and making sure all my new found friends never went hungry. Still, I love the idea. If I won a gabillion bucks in the Lotto, I would have to own a bar. Now, most of you would think that I would only want a pirate bar, but I saw that episode on Bar Rescue where the idiot owner...
Four Hookers At Once.
Last night I got to get a little practice in on a thing most guys can do one handed. And no, I wasn't in the bathroom. I was on the couch. Wait, this is starting to sound even worse. OK, let's start over. The Janmeister wanted to take off her bra. Most guys are pretty adept at doing this with one hand and the more talented ones can pop a bra off from any side, direction or position. I learned this skill pretty early. My first attempt was a rather sloppy one with Lori Burton. Thankfully, she...
Up A Tree Without A Paddle.
Like most boys, I loved having a treehouse. Our first one was a rather straightforward affair. Well, not exactly straightforward. As we know by now, my father never did anything the simple way. His idea was to bring home a pre-fab treehouse. He had scammed an old Boeing shipping crate, about 10 feet square. It was a monster to be sure. With a few modifications, it would indeed make a nifty treehouse for we four boys. We could use it as our headquarters for the various missions we ran when...
Master Of My Own Domain.
I was doing something yesterday that I rarely do: promote myself. Sure, it would seem like a no-brainer that someone in my profession would be a whiz at promoting his own career. Well, I'm not. I'm a bit of a savant when it comes to making my clients famous and even wealthy. But me? I guess I'm just too close to the situation. I can't gain any perspective. But yesterday, I decided to kick things up a notch on several levels. I had let a lot of things go over the last year or two, mostly...
Yo Speaka de English Muy Gouda.
I have been working on a project in my new job and I must say, it's been a real eye opener. You see, the people around me are very smart, by far the smartest bunch of co-workers I have ever had the pleasure to work with, and that's saying a lot. After all, I think I'm very smart. Testing has somewhat supported that belief, so I'm just not blowing stuff out my sphincter. But the people at work. Wow! If I did my math right, the couple dozen people in my office speak about a dozen or so different...
The Crazy Bus.
I have been riding the bus now four about four months. Usually, it is a non-descript commute of about a half hour. The 301, my normal bus, is an Express, which makes about six stops total before heading onto the freeway, shooting down the express lanes on I-5 to the tunnel that runs under the city. I used to make fun of that tunnel in a parody of the Kingston Trio's song MTA, about how Charlie may "ride forever in the Metro bus tunnel, he's the man who'll never return." Now it's part of my...
Sieval Service.
Fall is just around the corner. I know this because the first of the seasonal pumpkin ale has arrived on the market. Granted, it's not the best pumpkin ale I've ever had. That was in Key West. The home brewer used 10 pounds of pumpkin in making the pie, uh, beer. It tasted like pie though. All it needed was some whipped cream on the top. But this isn't about pie. Lord knows, it should be as I could pontificate on hours about the wonders of pie and the nuances of certain pies that make me...
Am I Really An Elephant?
I'm sure if you're a political nutcase you think I'm talking about being a Republican. I'm not. As we all know, I am neither an elephant or a jackass in the classical sense, though there are several significant and insignificant others in my past lives who would say that I have indeed been a jackass at times over the last 54 years. The elephant reference is all about coming home to die. And no, this event is not eminent. I can, however, assume that it will happen some day, as it seems that no...
Falling In Love. Again.
I first noticed it a week or so ago. I was in West Seattle, my old stomping grounds. I have always enjoyed roaming the Junction, finding cool treasures in the second hand and antique shops, grabbing some ice cream at Huskys, and generally enjoying the vibe there. Even though Seattle has grown up, it still has pockets of familiarity, right down to the fact that Poggies Tavern was still there, a throwback to my younger days. Of course, there are plenty of new places as well. Thanks to those...
This Tail Is Getting So Boring!
I used to like mermaids. I grew up with all the folklore of them. Even Disney's portrayal of mermaids couldn't ruin them for me. I guess they were cool because they were relatively obscure. They were the yarns of sailors and fishermen who would be so crazed from weeks, months, and even years at sea that they began to see things. Often, they really were seeing things. If you lived in Florida by the Indian River, you'd see mermaid tails every day. I did. But, sorry, no siren of the sea waiting...
Welcome To CZerr’s Palace.
I can't seem to do anything simple. I blame my father for this, since he couldn't seem to do anything simple either. Even the most straightforward thing had to become entirely complex, largely because he was a man of ideas, but not always of action. Well, aren't I just a chip off the old block here? So it should not be a surprise that upon hearing about the visit of my good friends Doo and Di, that I should come up with a whole scenario that was hilarious and a bit whacked. I was living with...