RobZerrvations
Musings from a Meandering, Mischievous Mind
Can We Hate These Guys Any More?
Everyone likes to bash Congress these days, and I think with good reason. They can't seem to pull their heads out of their respective asses for even a brief moment to do something right. As we all know, Hurricane Irene made a pretty big mess of the Northeast last week. Now, I am no particular fan of the Northeast, so don't think I'm one of those born and raised Yorkies that think the sun rises and sets on New York City (though I supposed it does, just like everywhere else). What is important...
My Token Irishman.
As I look back on the past 53 years, a lot has happened. I most happily share it all here with my readers, for good, bad or ugly, it's my life. And through it, perhaps you can see that yours isn't so bad, and perhaps even better. I also get to do a lot of free therapy. A couple days ago, I did a little piece about my family. I discovered that writing about them is the only way I'm ever going to hear from them, and while it would be wonderful to post their angry diatribes, I won't bother...
Whose Life Is This Anyway?
A couple days ago, I wrote a little piece about the fact that my family seems to want to get back at me by not ever letting me know the status of my mother when she disappears for weeks or even months at a time. Before I get another swear-word laden email from an indignant niece who knows but one side of the story, this isn't about my family at all. It is instead, about my life. Well, anyone's life I guess. Since I have only experienced my own, I can't really tell others what they should do...
Jacob Marley Has Nothing On Me.
As a lifelong gypsy, I have moved more times than I can count on my hands and toes. Wait, let me check. No, it seems I can indeed do this, but I have no toes, fingers or thumbs left. Each time I pack up to move somewhere else, whether it's voluntarily or someone is kicking me out, I think back to George Carlin's routine about "stuff." He talks about how we need to build bigger houses for our stuff, and when we run out there we rent storage units. But really, all the stuff we really need, the...
A Five In One Marriage-Go-Round.
Time magazine recently highlighted the five main types of marriages that exist. Up until this point I thought there was just two: good and bad. I never realized there were actually five different kinds of marriage. As you know, I have had my share of direct hits and near misses over the years (sounds like I've been playing Battleship). In the ensuing sortees, I have earned a few Purple Hearts as well as one or two broken ones. Given my unexpected expertise in this area, I decided to explore...
That Voice In My Head.
I know this won't surprise any of you, but I have a voice in my head. It can be a very loud voice at times, screaming incessantly at me if I refuse to listen to it. In rare moments, it can be a very calming, soothing voice, keeping me from going postal, such as this very moment. You see, I'm being bombarded from the other room by the sounds of pre-pubescent gamers online, a shrill, horrific din of immaturity that just goes on and on and on. Taking little pre-pubescent screaming boys out of the...
Is It 8 To 5? No It’s 25 Or 6 To 4?
I know there's a lot of numbers in today's headline. But I'm not trying to do math. If I was, it would end up wrong anyway. As any band geek knows, I'm talkng halftime shows. It's football season once again and I am reminded of the fun days at Hazen High in marching band. It was there that 8 to 5 was drilled into us. That means you take eight high steps for every five yards. Mr. Gleason used to have us practice it with our eyes closed so that on every count of 1, we'd be on a yard line that...
Momeo, Momeo, Wherefore Art Thou?
My mother came up missing again recently. No, they didn't issue a Silver Alert on her. My family knows where she is. I am just the odd man out. I only know this because every morning I call my mom at 9 a.m. my time, which is 6 in Seattle. She's always been an early riser, so by then she already has her coffee and we can chat, even if just to say "hi, how you doing?" She came up missing about three weeks ago. She didn't answer her phone. Turns out she was in the hospital again having an...
A Big Swirly In My Life.
Many years ago, I finally earned the pirate name I still have - Hurricane. Though I had been called Bamm-Bamm for a time, I had to get rid of it because it was too closely associated with my then Texas psycho-girlfriend who was known as Pebbles. I still don't really remember how people came to call me Hurricane but I have a feeling it's because I had a very blustery temperament back then. I could go from calm to a Cat 5 of emotional wreckage and human debris in seconds. And when in full force,...
Where The Hell Is Moorea?
Whenever the subject of travel comes up in conversation, I always say that Moorea is my favorite place I've been. If you don't know where it is, let me help you a bit. First, I will say Tahiti, then Bora Bora. Moorea (mo-o-ray-ah) is the third of the larger islands in French Polynesia. I only ended up there by accident. When I moved back to Seattle from San Francisco, I promised psycho-ex that I would go to Tahiti with her in the fall. I wanted her to know that I wasn't quitting on us, just...
A Pox On You. Weaklings.
I admit that I am a bit of a Pollyanna when it comes to being an American. My family has had to struggle for most of its life to eke out a living. We aren't wealthy by any stretch. We've had our share of hardships. We have endured painful losses. And we work very hard to support our children and extended family. I am an Average American. Or at least, I thought I was average. But the despair and hopelessness I see gripping this country shows that perhaps I am all alone these days. For I still...
San Francisco, Open Your What?
Most people who haven't known me for long assume that I have only lived in two states, Washington and Florida. But there was a time when I lived in the San Francisco area. I'm not sure if I can really count it as living in another state. It was somewhat brief. Still, I did give up my apartment in Bellevue, put a lot of stuff in storage and moved the important stuff down to the Bay area. So, what else could I call this? Madness perhaps? That's a great word for it. But I didn't really think it...