RobZerrvations
Musings from a Meandering, Mischievous Mind
Don’t Pick the Pretty/Handsome One.
As a guy who has been in the dating trenches several times in my life, I have always marveled at how women seem to gravitate towards the drop-dead hunky, testosterone laden man instead of the sensitive, less than a 10, girly guy with a good sense of humor they often say they really want. Now, I understand the basic laws of attraction and it appears that they do this because on some primitive level, the hunky guy is the more desirable gene pool to take a dip in if you want to have children. But...
Sorry Son, Only Neanderthals Hit Each Other.
I got to play father a few days ago. As my son gets older, these sessions seem to get less frequent, but deeper in terms of topic. We used to talk about him growing up to be a cow some day. Now we talk about girls and about being made fun of. I was made fun of when I was in school. Unless you're one of the popular kids, it's going to happen to you. In my case, John Rohde and Harley Spaeth were the banes of my existence, calling me names throughout elementary and middle school. I took it pretty...
Music To My Ears…
Over the years, I have written several songs which have received mild acclaim. I'd have to say that "Rudy," which is based on Kenny Roger's "Ruby" but is about a guy who gets a sex change, is my personal favorite, followed closely by the "Ballad of OJ Simpson." But I don't really count these songs as original, since I used the melodies of other songs to create parodies. I can't complain really , Weird Al Yankovic made an entire career out of doing this. However, I've always wanted to write an...
I’ll Have The Chimiluparitotada, Por Favor.
I profess a great love of Mexican food. Whether it's the real stuff in Mexico (which is very different than what we consider Mexican) or pseudo-Mexican in the states, I will choose Mexican over any other dining option, except perhaps, Italian. Now, I will not put Taco Bell anywhere on the list of being even close to Mexican, so we'll just leave it out of the discussion. Unless it's 2 a.m. after an all-night bender, that is. There's a reason why I love Mexican food. While other cuisines demand...
I Don’t Know The Deadiquette.
A recent scare with my mother set my mind in motion recently. Not to worry, she's all right. But some day I will get the call that I have been dreading for years and I will have to deal with the fact that she is no longer with us. Thankfully, we've already had that talk and I know that I won't be going to her funeral. That is her request, not mine. And I will honor it. I guess she figures my ex-brothers and I would just end up in fisticuffs in a donnybrook and she would never rest in peace....
Just Making It Up As I Go Along.
As I was sitting here thinking about what to write about today, I thought, Hey, I'll just make it up as I go along." And it suddenly it hit me that I think I've been doing this all my life. When asked what I do for a living, I always say, "I sit at home, make stuff up and people send me checks." It's an odd way to make a living, really. I don't have a tangible product or service that you can hold in your hand. Whatever pours out of my head and onto a piece of paper (well, a computer screen...
A Wandering Soul.
I used to think that I would end up spending my entire life in Washington State. It's where my family was from, it's where my children lived and it's where all my friends were. When I moved to Florida (for what we now know to be a somewhat misguided reason), everyone thought I was nuts. Well, I was in some respects. But in others, I was simply doing what my ancestors had always done... moved on. I knew that my grandparents had moved to Vancouver, Washington from Aberdeen, South Dakota. Well,...
I Don’t Know Why I Fell From The Sky. Perhaps I’ll Die.
When I was in my teens, my brother Jon decided to take up the sport of skydiving. I must have been 12 at the time and he would take me with him out the parachute center out in Issaquah, which today is a shopping mall. For a 12 year old, this was quite the adventure. We would go out every other weekend or so and I would watch all the people jump out of perfectly good airplanes. Being a somewhat innovative guy, I wanted to get into the action. I repurposed my GI Joes, building scale parachute...
Green Acres’ Not The Place For Me.
I'm sure most of you remember those horse rides where the really bored looking horses go around and around in a circle while little children with sticky cotton candy fingers hold on to the reins for dear life, taking their little buckaroo for the ride of their life (and yes, that's me in the photo). I admit that I have been one of those horses. I have willingly let myself be led around and around, afraid that if I didn't, I would be buggy whipped. That's how I ended up on the East Coast of...
It’s a Dead End.
As a child, I grew up on a dead end road in the Kennydale neighborhood of Renton, Washington. It was the ideal place for a kid to grow up. The street was merely an extension of our yard, playing host to go-carts, ramps to jump our bikes off of, street hockey, games of catch and 4th of July fireworks. I can't imagine having to grow up even one street over, which was a very busy thoroughfare. Little did I know that dead ends would play a big role in my life, and not for all the right reasons....
In Kiddy Show Hell.
Funny how one thing can lead to another. I was on the phone with my son telling him that he was the subject of a RobZerrvation when the subject of kiddy shows came up. It quickly sank into a "Neener, Neener, my shows were better than yours" call out. I maintained that Banana Splits and H.R. Pufnstuf were far superior to the Wiggles and Teletubbies. He disagreed. He readily yielded Dora the Explorer but maintained that the Teletubbies and the Banana Splits were virtually the same. I was beyond...
That’s Entertainment?
For better or worse, I have been a professional entertainer for the last 30 years. I never set out to be one. Heck, I never even sang in high school or picked up a stringed instrument until I was in college. But all the stars fell into place and voila! - I've been playing and singing for three decades now. In the old days we did some pretty big gigs. We opened for The Kingsmen, The Sons of the Beach and kiddy entertainer Tim Noah. In fact, the kids booed him off the stage, wanting us to come...