RobZerrvations
Musings from a Meandering, Mischievous Mind
Changing The Rules of Engagement.
I found out a few days ago that a one time girlfriend of mine was about to get married. Whenever this happens, I can't help but place myself in an alternate time and space and wonder if that would have been me caught in the snare. Don't get me wrong. I am not anti-marriage, even after my checkered career of success in it. I simply wonder sometimes what makes certain people tie the knot while other flee for their lives as if marriage was a relative of Godzilla, crushing all the hopes and dreams...
The Hippy Dippy Sellout.
When George Carlin was just starting out, he used do a skit called the Hippy Dippy Weatherman. It was a brilliant riff on the hippy movement, especially when he would get caught up in the Highs that seemed to always be hovering over a part of the country, particularly California. I was too young to be a hippy. I missed the whole movement by about five to seven years. But I was old enough to follow the whole hippy movement, the significance of Woodstock, the protests against the war and the...
I’m In The Car. Can I Not Call You Back?
A friend of mine and I were on the phone the other day and he was telling me about the new dating etiquette that seems to be taking hold in Washington State. He had met a lovely lady who he just wanted to be friends with and she had given similar signs that that would be something she would like as well. Failing to respond to a followup email, he opted to call her one day. She politely replied that she couldn't talk at the moment as she was driving. As all my Washington friends know, that is a...
Thanksgiving And Taking.
For the second time in my adult life I will not be at home having Thanksgiving. The holiday gods have smiled on me once again and I will be in Key West, where it will be sunny and in the mid to upper 70s. But don't think for a moment that I will be missing out on traditional holiday fare. For I will be participating in the first annual Thankstaken Party down there, replete with turkey, green bean casserole, cranberries and pumpkin pie. The best part of Thankstaken (pirates don't give, the...
The Case of the Celtic Dick Snipper.
Several years ago now, I got a strange gift from my ex-whatever. Well, she wasn't an ex yet. We were still a year away from ex-ing but I didn't know that at the time. Why was it a strange gift? Well, first, it's not exactly something any guy would ever ask for. You can't really get a gift certificate for it. And not just anyone can give it to you. Also, it definitely isn't a gift that keeps on giving. It's not that I hadn't thought about getting it at various points in my life. It was just...
I’d Like The Keys, Please.
This week it's time to head down to Key West again for 11 days of fun in the sun. I know, I know. My northern friends are cursing me loudly, but even when I lived in the Great White North I flew all the way across this fair land to Key West on several occasions. I first visited Key West in 1992. A bunch of us had performed at Sail Boston and figured that Boston was close enough to Key West to warrant a side trip there. That sounds a bit nuts, but we really wanted to have a little island time...
I’ll Teach You.
When I was a kid, my father tried to teach me how to do things. You know, the basics: How to ride a bike, fly a kite, tie my shoes and swim. Either I wasn't a particularly good student or by the time he got to son #4 his patience had simply worn thin. I think it could also have been that my dad wasn't a very good teacher, at least when it came to certain life skills. I didn't actually learn how to swim until I was in 9th grade. My father didn't teach me. I learned in PE class because Hazen had...
Into The Wind.
Years ago, I took sailing lessons at the Shilshole Marina. I had purchased three beginning lessons at the Seattle Boat Show so that I could finally learn all the ins and outs of sailing and perhaps one day pilot my own sailboat around the world. Well, the trip around the world is still on hold, largely because I don't have a hole in the water that I can pour money into. That kind of makes the trip more challenging, given the fact that I would have to either swim or learn to walk on water. That...
I Make Elizabeth Taylor Look Like An Amateur.
As I was finishing my memoirs over the weekend and finally getting the book off to press, it dawned on me that I've been married to an awful lot of women. I'm not even counting the times I came close, only the times rings have been involved and vows exchanged. By my own count, I would say I've been married perhaps 400 to 500 times in my life. While three of them had a bit of legal force behind them, the others were just as enjoyable, albeit not as long lasting. If you think my life is...
Book ‘Em!
Well, I did it. After several false starts, my pirate memoirs have finally been released. What started out to be Memoirs of a Buccaneer: 25 Years Before the Mast is now 30 Years Before the Mast, given that a lot of tumult had occurred in the intervening five years that not only consumed my personal life, but added another 10 chapters to the book. I discovered a lot of things as I wrote this book, which consists of approximately 135,500 words over 432 pages. You can buy it right now, right...
Where’s The Godfather Now?
I have to admit, I've never watched any installment of The Godfather. I had an employee once, Darcy, who was obsessed with organized crime and sometimes I think these are the only movies she ever watched. I did, however, really enjoy Godfather's Pizza. It was thick, the crust was delicious and I would regularly find my way to any Godfather's Pizza in lieu of any other pizza joint in town. Now, you'd think that a business named after the Godfather would have a decisive management team, one that...
Never Ever Drive Thrus.
Some years ago, we had a foreign exchange student from Belgium stay with us. Caroline came to visit us for a month after my daughter, then 14, stayed with her family in Belgium for part of the summer. It was quite the culture shock for Caroline. She had never been to a real American city, only a compound (a resort for foreign tourists that is walled off) in Florida. I can only imagine what was going on through her head, flying halfway across the globe only to land in Port Orchard, Washington....