RobZerrvations
Musings from a Meandering, Mischievous Mind
Warning! Warning! Flashback Ahead!
A surprising note arrived yesterday from someone I knew of but didn't really know in high school. I guess that's not too surprising, given there were some 1,200 students at Hazen and 367 of them were in my class alone. It was a very pleasant surprise. And it also set off a lot of memories, some fond, some not, of that time in my life. So, bear with me as I bare my soul a bit here and recall that time some 35 years ago. High school was never like Glee for me. If it was, then I was one of those...
It’s a Pirate’s Life For Me.
Some of you, in fact many of you, know that I am a pirate. No, not the Somali kind, but the roguish, swashbuckling kind, harkening back to the romantic era of Errol Flynn and Douglas Fairbanks movies. When I was dating, this often took the "datee" aback. It's hard to explain why I play pirate or what being a pirate is like. I would explain it to them, give examples, and often all I got was a deer in the headlights look, knowing that they just don't get it. So, it occurred to me that I should...
What’s With All the Old People?
I don't know how it happened, but there seems to be a lot of old people in this world. Now, it could be that I live in a community where Snowbirds come to retire. It may skew the results some. And it could be because I'm the youngest person in the building I live in. But there just seems to be a lot of old people. There never used to be, of course. Back a couple hundred years ago, people were lucky to live to be in their 50s. I would be considered old. But now that people are living well into...
Curses! Homeless Again!
If everything goes as I'm told it will, I will be homeless by the end of the day. This is not the first time I have been homeless. I have been homeless several times in my life, all because of a love gone wrong. The first time I was homeless was because of a "first love". I was living in Renton, Washington on Mill Avenue in a small apartment building. I thought things were going great. But the house obviously didn't. I came home one day to a note left on the ironing board: "Get out of here and...
Cranking Up The Health Radio!
For an old guy, I'm pretty healthy. I always have been. Sure, I've had my share of the flu and colds. I also had the mumps, measles and chicken pox, albeit for only three days. I have been in the hospital once. And I blame it on boobs. You see, my girlfriend in high school had mononucleosis and I snuck her out of the house to a nearby park to play "I'll take off your top if you'll take off yours." Was it worth it? No. I've seen hundreds of better looking breasts in my life since and I ended up...
Let me see if I misunderstand you correctly…
I have spent most of my life in a state of misunderstanding. That is both a good and a bad thing. I think it's cost me more relationships than I'd like to admit, but it has allowed me to live the life of a creative. Not sure which is good or bad, by the way. I never really understood how important it is that I misunderstand things. I have actually done a bit of thought on this topic. And I've come to the conclusion that all the greatest minds in the world, from the classic authors with names...
I Don’t Feel Like Crap Anymore
If you haven't heard of Groupon.com, you will. It offers amazing deals every morning, delivered right to your email box. Some of the offers, such as a tandem skydive for half off, sounds really great. Today, the offer was far less appealing. And it wasn't until I read further that I realized that my mother was far ahead of her time and could have been rolling in dough in her old age. Today's offer came from the Gardens Acupuncture and Wellness Center in West Palm. It was for half off Colon...
So Now I Really Am Depressed
I was watching television last night, and just before dozing off I watched one of the countless commercials pushing legalized drugs. Usually, I don't pay much attention to these things, since I try to avoid designer drugs. The only one I've ever taken for any period of time was Lexapro, and we all know how that turned out. It kind of screwed up my life. Sure, I no longer suffered from anxiety. But even on the lowest dose I became something of a non-feeling zombie. Not good. As I chronicled...
To Thine Own Stealth Be True!
The old Internet was really in a tizzy last week over the discovery that the Chinese have built and are testing a new generation of fighter planes that use stealth technology. It's claimed they got the technology from an downed F-117 fighter during one of the many wars we seem to always be fighting these days. I think that's a bunch of hooey. All the Chinese had to do was look in the typical American home to learn the secrets of stealth technology. And that's exactly what I think did happen. I...
Is History Repeating Itself?
I must confess that I am still something of a newshound. I guess it's because I grew up in the age of Watergate and wanted to be just like Woodward and Bernstein. So I majored in journalism. The only problem was that I found that there was no glamour to be found in a typical newsroom. When I served my internship at the Renton Record Chronicle, I thought I would change the world. Instead, I spent the morning rewriting press releases. That's what all the reporters did in the morning. You sifted...
A Girly Guy?
I have a friend who is absolutely devastated every time I call him a "girly-guy." I mean, he gets physically ill, almost to the point of tossing. But he is a girly-guy. I can't change that, it's totally out of my control. He will, however, never admit it. I don't blame him. It took me until my 30s to figure out I was one. I tried to be a macho-jerk kind of guy, all testeroney and such. I would hang out in my brother's garage as he explained all about points and condensers and other parts of...
Tom Tom Must Die!
When I was young, I knew about Tom Tom. He was the piper's son. One day he stole a pig, and away did run. But Tom Tom must die. I don't mean Tom Tom. He was just hungry. If I was him, I would have stolen a pig, too. I'm referring to the worst invention known to mankind, designed by the Devil himself. The TomTom. You know, that obnoxious little GPS device that tells you where to go. Well, I'd like to tell it where to go: Straight to Hell. See if you can configure that route, Tom. Mind you, I...